A Brand New Abridged Series/Transcript

Cast (In order of appearance): Yusei, Jack, Crow, Akiza, Kalin, Nervin, Carly, Trudge, Rex Goodwin, Lazar, Zigzix, Magician's Four Tanner, Blitz, Mina, Jaden, Syrus, Goku, L, Wario, Linkara, Dr.Eggman, Tank, Rally, Leo, News Reporter, We Heart Card Games (Ex-Shadow, Malindachan, Kadaj-rox-my-sox, Sorceresscassandra), Iruka, Joe Hokage, Takahata101, Naruto Plushy.

Date: April 1. 2010

Running Time: 6:51

Special Title: A Brand New Abridged Series!

Transcript

YUSEI: Jack!

JACK: (screaming) YUSEI!!

YUSEI: There's something you should know.

JACK: (still screaming) WHAT IS IT, YUSEI?!

YUSEI: I came...

JACK: (screaming and suprised) WHAT!?

YUSEI: ...to this city...

JACK: (constantly screaming) OH.

YUSEI: To give you a message...
Card games on motorcycles!

JACK: CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!?

YUSEI: Card games on motorcycles.

JACK: CROW, DID YOU HEAR THAT? CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!!

CROW: Card games on motorcycles?

AKIZA: Card games on motorcycles!

KALIN: Card games on motorcycles!

NERVIN: Card games on motorcycles!

CARLY: Card games on motorcycles!

TRUDGE: Card games on motorcycles!

REX: Card games on motorcycles?

LAZAR: Card games on motorcycles!

ZIGZIX: Card games on motorcycles!

MAGICIAN'S FOUR MEMBER: Card games on motorcycles!

TANNER: Card games on motorcycles!

BLITZ: Card games on motorcycles!

MINA: Card games on motorcycles?

JADEN: Card games on motorcycles!

SYRUS: Card games on motorbikes! [syrus fail]

GOKU: Card games on motorcycles!

L: Card games on motorcycles?

WARIO: Card-a games on motorcycles! NAHAHAHAHA!

LINKARA: Card games on motorcycles!

DR. EGGMAN: Card games on motorcycles!

TANK: Card games on motorcycles!

RALLY: (Manly voice) Card games on motorcycles!

LEO: Card games on motorcycles!

NEWS REPORTER: The resulting carnage lasted at least 5 hours and unfortunately there were no survivors. Oh, this just in... Card games on motorcycles!

WE HEART CARD GAMES MEMBERS: Card games on motorcycles!

JACK: CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

YUSEI: Jack.

JACK: WHAT IS IT, YUSEI?

YUSEI: I came.

JACK: ...

YUSEI: (chuckles)

JACK: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!

(Title sequence (Animated somewhat poorly by Kirbopher) It shows Yusei, Jack and Crow riding a motorcycle in the style of the Metalocalypse title sequence, to the music of the Deththeme)

(Camera pans out to reveal that it is a YouTube video)

IRUKA UMINO: What you watching, Hokage?

JOKAGE: (constant deadpan) LittleKuriboh's new abridged series. It's not very good. Just a bunch of catchphrases and pointless cameos. Same old, same old.

IRUKA: Yeah, that LittleKuriboh guy is yesterday's news; but guess what, Hokage? I made my own abridged series! I bet you can't guess what animé I chose!

JOKAGE: One Piece?

IRUKA: Nope. It's One Piece. Check it out. You can watch it on my channel.

JOKAGE: Hooray. I can't wait.

(Transition to Japanese opening for One Piece and the LazyTown song You Are A Pirate is the opening theme.)

IRUKA: (as a One Piece sailor) Oooh, do a barrel roll everybody, ha ha! Oh look at us, we are sailing. I sure hope we don't run into Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom having gay sex in the ocean. Because they're gay. Ohoho. Oh no, It is pirates by Sid Meier. That is a video game, I don't have the music from it but look, it's a pirate ship, oh no! Ohh, it's got a heart on the sail like... oh, maybe it's like... like the Queen of Hearts from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, oh no! It is Helena Bonham Carter. She is FAT and also it is all CGI. Also Johnny Depp is gay.

IRUKA: (as a different Sailor) Oh look, it's a barrel. It's like... do a barrel Roll.

IRUKA: (as Luffy) I...Can't let you do that Starfox! I am the Juggernaut Bitch Leeroy Jenkins, Ha ha! Oh, hello I am Mr. One Piece and I am looking for the One Piece has anyone seen the One Piece where is One Piece?

IRUKA: (as Sailors) Screw the One Piece, I have One Piece!

IRUKA: (as Luffy) Where is the One Piece?

IRUKA: (as Koby) Oh, did you check Tom Cruise's Closet?

IRUKA: (as Luffy) Yes, I...No, I didn't check Tom Cruise's closet. I think I will go check now. Be right back. Okay, I checked Tom Cruise's closet, and it turns out that the One Piece wasn't in there, but Tom Cruise was in Tom Cruise's closet because he is gay and he is not telling anybody about it. Where is One Piece! I am looking for One Piece and I am also looking for my breakfast. Oh, there it is! I mean my breakfast not One Piece. Where is One Piece!

IRUKA: (as another sailor talking to Nami) Hello, are you a lady? I won't have sex with you because I am a gay. (Nami kicks sailor in the groin) Oh, right in my One Piece! Where is One Piece!?

IRUKA: (as Luffy) I am still looking for One Piece.

IRUKA: (as Koby) Did you check Orlando Bloom's acting career? Oh wait, that doesn't exist anymore! Also he is gay. Where is One Piece?!

IRUKA: (as Luffy) This is blasphemy, no this is madness, no, this is Sparta, actually, this is One Piece, where is One Piece? By the way, you just lost the game. Oh no, I lost the game! (camera zooms in on Luffy) Oh no, I lost the game again because I said that I lost the game, where is One Piece?

JOKAGE: I'm guessing it just kinda goes on like this?

IRUKA: So what do you think, Hokage? You gonna favorite it? Huh? I already have like, ten subscribers. I could be the next Sketch.

JOKAGE: I...liked the part where he was looking for One Piece...and his breakfast.

IRUKA: Yeah, that is there because they don't ever show him eating even though they sometimes do.

JOKAGE: What's with all the gay jokes anyway? Do you have something against gay people?

IRUKA: No, it's not serious, Hokage, it's just a joke.

JOKAGE: It...seems kind of offensive.

IRUKA: Oh come on, I got Takahata101 to cameo. What more do you want?

TAKAHATA101: (as Captain Alvida) Hi.

IRUKA: See?

JOKAGE: Yeah, well, he's in everything these days. He's such a voice whore. But aside from that I can honestly say... it was the best One Piece Abridged I have ever seen.

IRUKA: Hey thanks, Hokage! Oh look, I got a video response. I wonder who could have—- wait a minute, Bleach Abridged? What is this crap?

JOKAGE: Heh heh heh heh heh heh...

IRUKA: HOKAGE! YOU DIDN'T!

JOKAGE: (As Ichigo) Hello. My name is Ichigo Kurosa-ki. I am re-tarrrr-ded.
This is my Bankai. It is also re-tarrrr-ded.

IRUKA: THAT'S NOT FUNNY, HOKAGE!

JOKAGE: Hmm, 40,000 subscribers say otherwise...

IRUKA: WHAT!? HOW DID YOU—

JOKAGE: Yeah; I'm the next Semisoma.

IRUKA: BUT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TAKAHATA101!

JOKAGE: That's where you're wrong.

TAKAHATA101: (as Kon) Hi.

JOKAGE: Not that I need him. I do all the voices. My range is incredible. The voice-acting alliance is like... all over me.

IRUKA: (stammers)

JOKAGE: Oh, boo-hoo, go tell it to the Abridged Community.

IRUKA: Uhhh, what's an Abridged Community?

JOKAGE: I don't know.

IRUKA: OK, that does it. I am gonna message LittleKuriboh and ask him to watch my show and to tell me that he likes it. That'll fix everything.

JOKAGE: Hey, knock yourself out. I hear he answers everybody's messages...In about five months.

IRUKA: Oh, you win this round, Hokage.

TAKAHATA101: (as Ebisu) Hi.

IRUKA: YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, TAKAHATA101!

(Screen goes black before revealing a Naruto plush in front of a webcam.)

NARUTO: Oh come on! That's just ridiculous! I mean, this happened three years in a row now. On April Fool's Day, he always pretends to cancel the show, and then do a different show, and he's like, it's really predictable now! I can't believe it! It makes me so angry! Why doesn't he do something original? ORIGINAL, I TELL YOU! Why doesn't he do that? Why doesn't he do exactly what I want him to do? AHH-

JACK: (Enlargement of his face coming from the right) CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Screen goes black, then returns with Ex-Shadow alone in the same room as earlier, doing a wavy dance across the screen.)

EX-SHADOW: (in Tristan Taylor voice) Card games on motorcycles!

ban