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← "Everybody Hates Mako" #7: "Cliffhanger" "The Plot Thinnens" →

Cast (In order of appearance): Yami, Téa, Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Weevil, Grandpa, "Ghost Kaiba", Hair Guy, Zombie Boy, Mokuba, Kaiba, Kaiba's Computer

Date: August 07, 2006

Running Time: 4:44

TranscriptEdit

Intro

"The Lonely Man" from The Incredible Hulk 1977 TV Series plays

YAMI: Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh!...

TÉA: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Yami's the father!

JOEY: Tristan, don't leave me!

TRISTAN: I'm sorry, Joey, it's just not working out between us.

JOEY: But I love you!

TÉA: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Weevil's the father!

YUGI: Grampa! So you're the one who shot Tristan!

GRAMPA: Yes, it was I!

TÉA: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Bakura's the--

YUGI: No [bleep]ing way.

TÉA: Okay, I lied about that one.

GHOST KAIBA: This time, Yugi, you don't stand a ghost of a chance!

TRISTAN: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and you're the father!

YAMI: And now, the thrilling conclusion! Wait a minute, did any of that stuff actually happen?

Title sequence

At the Dueling Field

HAIR GUY: Attention, duelists! My hair has abducted this small child! If you want me to release him, you must first defeat Seto Kaiba's ghost in a duel!

YAMI: Are you trying to tell me that Kaiba came back from the dead just to play a card game with me?

HAIR GUY: Yes!

YAMI: Either this is a trick, or this show is even dumber than I thought.

GHOST KAIBA: It's true Yugi, I've returned from the dead in order to defeat you. My desire for vengeance was so strong that even hell itself could not hope to contain-

YAMI: OK, time out! Does anybody believe for even one second that this guy is a ghost?

TRISTAN: I do!

YAMI: Anyone besides Tristan?

(pause)

TRISTAN: I do!

GHOST KAIBA: What's your point?

YAMI: My point is you're not a ghost. No eff-ing way.

GHOST KAIBA: Then explain how I have this! The Hitotsu-Me Giant!

YAMI: (sarcastically) Oh. You're right. That definitely proves it.

GHOST KAIBA: Look, I'm a ghost, okay? Quit being such a jerk.

YAMI: If you're a ghost, then I'm straight.

cut to a forest

KAIBA: Now that Pegasus thinks I'm dead, I can work on redeeming my character in the eyes of the fans! Wait a minute, how the hell did I climb up the side of a cliff while holding a briefcase? And, for that matter, how the hell did I get here? Into the Kaiba Cave!

The 1960's Batman theme music plays as Kaiba enters his cave

COMPUTER: Hi there, Kaiba, I'm your inappropriately voiced computer system.

KAIBA: Wait a second, do you mean I have to spend the entire episode talking to a machine?

COMPUTER: It's like looking in a mirror, isn't it?

KAIBA: Using my leet haxzor skills, I'm going to bring down one of Pegasus's satellites so that I can gain access to his computer systems. Hooray for cyber-terrorism!

COMPUTER: It looks like you're just pressing the same keys over and over again.

KAIBA: That's because I learned how to hack by watching old episodes of Star Trek.

COMPUTER: Since I'm such an advanced computer, I can make Pegasus's computer systems look like a really boring video game.

(the blue screen of death appears on the computer)

KAIBA: Ahh! The blue screen of death! My mortal enemy...

(back at the dueling field)

GHOST KAIBA: You don't stand a ghost of a chance, Yugi, because this time I'm--

YAMI: How many times are you going to use that line?!

(cut to black screen)

CAPTION:
[honestly, they use
that pun way too much.
here, I'll prove it...]

GHOST KAIBA: [clip from actual episode] It's me, Kaiba, and this time, you don't stand a ghost of a chance!

HAIR GUY: [clip from actual episode] Yugi, you don't have a ghost of a chance beating Kaiba because this time he is a ghost!

ZOMBIE BOY: [clip from actual episode] I'm afraid you don't stand a ghost of a chance in a duel against me!

CAPTIONS:
Yu-Gi-Oh!
where bad puns go to die

(Bonz cameo FTW!)

GHOST KAIBA: Whoooo-oooo, I'm a ghost, whoo-

YAMI: Oh, stop it! You're not fooling anyone.

TRISTAN: It's a ghost!

YAMI: Tristan doesn't count.

MOKUBA: That's not my brother! Everyone says he's a bad person, but it's not true!

YAMI: He stole my grandfather's favorite card, put him in the hospital and then left you at the mercy of his enemies! Face it kid, your brother's a giant prick!

Kaiba Cave

KAIBA: Even though I'm his archrival, I'm going to use this virus to help Yugi win. Finally, being a rich nerd pays off.

COMPUTER: You really do need to get laid.

(Dueling field)

YAMI: Aha! See? You're not a ghost at all! You're some kind of... gay clown, apparently.

TÉA: Eww! It's slightly more repulsive than regular clowns!

GAY CLOWN: Actually, I'm not a clown. I'm Seto Kaiba's evil side brought back from the Shadow Realm by Pegasus--

YAMI: That's even less believable than the whole ghost story! You don't even know what you are, do you?

GAY CLOWN: No...

YAMI: Didn't think so. MIND CRUSH!! (mind crushes the gay clown to death) Did I just kill a gay clown?

TRISTAN: That ghost didn't scare me, even if I did just sh*t my pants.

YAMI: He didn't stand a ghost of a chance!

(everyone laughs)

JOEY: Hey, what happened to Mokuba?

YAMI: Who cares?

(End. The Batman song plays again)

CAPTION: [i think i'm pregnant...]

Stinger:

ROBOT MONKEY TRISTAN: (as Bender) Bite my shiny metal ass!

JOEY: (as Fry) It doesn't look so shiny to me.

ROBOT MONKEY TRISTAN: Shinier than yours, meatbag.

Yami Bakura appears on screen along with the text:
his time is
at hand...

(we're all going
to die)

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