|← Episode 01||Episode 02||Episode 03 →|
Running time: 7:18
(Judas' Priest's "Electric Eye" plays)
CAPTION: Somewhere beyond the sea...
VALON: So, eh, I heard you used to hang with eh..whatchamacallit? You know, protagonists.
VALON: Oh, you got one of them alternate personalities, eh? Must be nice.
FLORENCE: Is errr.... is that very common?
VALON: Come on, mate, one in ten blokes have got a secret identity with magical powers! Most of them are just socially aware enough not to make it a big deal.
FLORENCE: You're joking.
VALON: You and that Yugi fellow are the only twats I know who were like: "Oooh, look at me, everyone! I'm a special snowflake because I'm occasionally possessed by a darker being from another time!" This is very arrogant if you ask me.
FLORENCE: Well, I didn't.
RAFAEL: What's it like?
FLORENCE: What's what like?
VALON: Being so bloody arrogant! "Oooh, look at me, I'm essentially bloody He-Man, I am!"
FLORENCE: Dated reference.
RAFAEL: No, I mean... What's it like? Being friends with the good guys?
FLORENCE: They're not my friends! Marik's my only real... I mean... I don't have any friends.
FLORENCE: Who the bloody hell are Thomas and Angela?
ALISTER: Isn't that what they're called? Those two other guys that don't really do anything but they're, you know, always around?
ALISTER: No, that doesn't sound right.
FLORENCE: Eh, they're not even worth remembering anyway.
ALISTER: Imagine being so insignificant in the grand scheme of things that people don't even remember your names!
VALON: You've got a point there, Andrew.
ALISTER: My name is Alister!
VALON: Are you sure?
FLORENCE: I'll tell you all a funny story about hanging out with Yugi. Once upon a time, there was a little boy called Yugi Muto. And he was a special little boy. See, he had a shiny Millennium Item that enabled him to win any game he played, no matter the opponent. And everyone loved him because he was an adorable little ball of fuzz that you just wanted to squeeze until his head popped off! Meanwhile, another boy in an identical situation - err, let's call him Theo - also had a shiny Millennium Item that granted him unnatural abilities. But nobody liked him. In fact, even when he made friends, they abandoned him to go hang out on an island, and then when he showed up on the island, everyone acted like they were best friends, even though they barely ever wanted anything to do with him! And then, one day in Season Two, Theo had to get rushed to the emergency room, and even though Téa and Tristan and a bunch of other people could've helped him, who did they get to take him to the hospital?! BLOODY GRANDPA! THAT'S WHO! So, that's what it's like being friends with the good guys!
VALON: "Oooh, look at me, I've got a tragic backstory and magical powers!" Bloody twitting da!
DARTZ: Awkay, evyl wecess is over! It's time to get down to bwastax!
FLORENCE: Finally! This is why I left Marik's Evil Council to join this one! We don't just talk about trivial nonsense and laughable strategies, it's time to get stuff done!
DARTZ: Fyrst item on the agenda: who weawanged the conteynts of mah sock dhrawer?
VALON: As if we would do such a thing!
FLORENCE: Wait, what? Your sock drawer?
DARTZ: Yes, Byakuya. Mah sock dhrawer. Everyone who's anyone knows that mah socks are my moist phrised possession! And the act of tempohring with theem is poonishable... by poonishahment.
RAFAEL: This is a big deal and we should definitely spend the next twenty minutes arguing about it.
FLORENCE: What's so important about the arrangement of a sock drawer?
DARTZ: Mayn, come on! Everyone knows I like to alphabetize my sock collection! Otherwise, my whole world is thrown outta wiggety whack.
DARTZ: Outtah! Wiggety! Whack! Amayn!
ALISTER: Dartz' socks, they're like the most important thing in his life! That and bringing the world of humanity to an end under the dark reign of the mighty Leviathan, but mostly the socks!
FLORENCE: Okay, look. There's an obvious explanation. Marik did it.
FLORENCE: As you see, one of Marik's many "masterful" evil plans entailed rearranging the Pharaoh's socks. This is obviously just a retooling of that plan... uhm... aimed at you, master Dartz.
DARTZ: Why would this Marik douchebayg wanna weawange mah sock collection?!
FLORENCE: Uhm... because he's a dick, master Dartz! And also, possibly, because he's angry at me for leaving him.
VALON: How do we know you aren't just a double agent working for Marik? And it was really you who did the dastardly deed, rearranging master Dartz' socks?
FLORENCE: 'Cos I'm not bloody five years old! Look, I left Marik's Evil Council specifically to get away from nonsense like this.
ALISTER: How could we trust you? You just got done telling us you hang out with the good guys all the time!
FLORENCE: Look, I'm more evil than all four of you put together! Don't test me!
DARTZ: I'mma test you!
FLORENCE: Really? You're testing me?
DARTZ: Cwass is in session, Byakuyayal! And supwise, supwise, supwise, you gonna get tested by the senpai sensaytion sensay!
FLORENCE: Last time someone tried to test me, I shot lasers at them and ripped out their eyeball! Do you really want to see what I have prepared for you?
DARTZ: Yea fam, let's do it up!
CAPTION: ONE SUCCESSFUL ACTIVATION OF DESTINY BOARD LATER...
FLORENCE: Well, class, put down your pencils because testing is over!
ALISTER: You... you sent him to the Shadow Realm!
FLORENCE: Yes, I know.
VALON: A dimension of darkness where his soul will suffer for eternity!
FLORENCE: Well, at least I didn't kill him, that would've been horrible and not appropriate for children under the age of twelve! Don't worry, I'll bring him back... when I feel like it. I just don't feel like it right now.
RAPHAEL: What do we even do now that we don't have someone to lead us?
FLORENCE: Oh, we have someone. Someone who has experience in all aspects of villany. Someone who can weasel their way into Yugi's good graces and destroy his group of friends from within. Someone who will stop at nothing to see his enemies destroyed! Someone strong enough to hold this world in the palms of his hands and throttle it into submission!
VALON: He's right! I totally forgot Zombie Boy was on our side!
ALISTER: Oh yeah! He could lead us!
ZOMBIE BOY: Finally! The recognition I always wanted! Thanks, Bakura!
FLORENCE: I wasn't talking about...
ZOMBIE BOY: Don't worry. Under my power, this Evil Council is sure to accomplish a lot because the one thing us undead people are known for, it's our persistence.
FLORENCE: (angrily) Listen, you bloody nincompoops! I was talking about me!
VALON: What, you? In charge? That'd be hilarious!
RAFAEL: Yeah! Imagine a minor character like Bakura ruling anything!
ALISTER: (off screen) What a joke!
FLORENCE: Well, the more things change, the more they stay the bloody same.
(ending; Evil Is Only Skin Deep by The Brak Show plays)
CAPTION: To be continued...
CAPTION: Thanks to our February Patron Pledgers!