Date: March 29, 2011
Running Time: 1:13
(Television test card, with a monotone beep; change to Seto Kaiba being interviewed on TV)
BEING SUED BY INDUSTRIAL ILLUSIONS DUE TO ALLEGED
ILLEGAL DISTRIBUTION OF CHILDREN'S TRADING CARDS
INTERVIEWER: (offscreen) Mr. Kaiba, how do you react to the recent allegations that your company has been operating beyond the jurisdiction of the Japanese creators, and that you'll be sued due to your shady business deals?
KAIBA: Look, you need to understand; I'm winning! I spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically turning your cheap card games into pure gold. I'm a Blue-Eyes White Dragon-shaped F-18, bro! The Duel that I won made Yugi and Joey look like droopy-eyed armless children! Yugi borrowed my Deck, was like "Dude, can't handle it!". Before motorcycles I was playing Five-Headed Dragons. Because that's how I Duel. I have one Deck, I have one strategy: win.
INTERVIEWER: But, sigh... Mr. Kaiba, you could stand to lose millions! How can you be so calm?
KAIBA: It's easy. I have Blue-Eyes White Dragon blood flowing through my veins.
HASSLEBERRY: Well, I got dino DNA!
KAIBA: Shut up, you! I'm tired of pretending that I'm not a rockstar from Ancient Egypt. They say that it's lonely at the top. Well, screw loneliness, I have money!
INTERVIEWER: There are some who say your behavior could be explained by saying you've succumbed to a drug addiction. Any comments?
KAIBA: I am on a drug, it's called Seto freakin' Kaiba. I'm not a warlock, I'm a motherf**king Egyptian God! I've beaten this earthworm with my words. Imagine if I'd used my Blue-Eyes White Dragon!
(Fade to black)
INTERVIEWER: Well, I think that just about sums up the situation.
KAIBA: Screw the rules, I'm bi-winning!
CAPTION: Trend It
INTERVIEWER: That's enough, I think we've got all we need.