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Episode 01 Episode 02 →

Cast (In order of appearance): Marik, Pegasus, Florence, Rex, Weevil, Zorc, Zombie Boy, Sid, Zygor, Bob, Dartz, Alister, Valon, Rafael

Date: September 17, 2007

Running Time: 7:16

TranscriptEdit

CAPTION: Somewhere in Egypt...

MARIK: Welcome, gentlemen. I'm glad to see you all came. I have assembled all the Yu-Gi-Oh! villains into one place. This night shall see the end of Yugi Muto and his bum chum, the Pharaoh! With our combined evil, we shall defeat him! ...Somehow! Now for the evil roll call! Maximillion Pegasus!

PEGASUS: This evil council is simply fabulous!

MARIK: Bakura!

FLORENCE: Word to your mama.

MARIK: Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood!

REX: He said "wood".

WEEVIL: Oh, yeah. Heheheheheh.

MARIK: Zorc!

ZORC: Helloooooo, Dolly!

MARIK: Zombie Boy!

Zombie Boy: Brains! (Subtitle: I like turtles.)

MARIK: Sid and Zygor!

ZYGOR: Duh.....

MARIK: And finally, Ak... Ak-Ak-Akhun... Akhun... how do you pronounce this? Akhuna... Hakuna Matata? Look, I'm just going to call you Bob, okay?

BOB: (mumbles incoherently)

MARIK: Yes, okay. Now then, on to business. Evil business! Nyeh-heh-heh-heh!

FLORENCE: Wait a minute. Is this it? These are all the villains from Yu-Gi-Oh?

MARIK: What are you blathering about?

FLORENCE: Come on, this can't be it. There's got to be more. I mean, what about Kaiba?

MARIK: We don't need Kaiba. He would just slow us down with all his money and resources. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

FLORENCE: He turned you down, didn't he?

MARIK: Look, just shut the [EFF!] up! Kaiba isn't one of us! He's not villain material; he's more like an anti-hero: the worst kind of hero there is! They give us villains a good name!

PEGASUS: But wait; I'm not a villain either!

MARIK: Of course you're a villain! You were going to kill innocent people just to bring back your stupid dead slut of a wife, remember?

PEGASUS: I was just confused. I didn't know what I was doing. Honestly!

FLORENCE: Is that what you told your parents when they caught you making out with your boyfriend?

REX: Heh-heh, heheyeah.

WEEVIL: Yeah. Heheheheh! Umm... I don't get it.

MARIK: Silence! I command you all to shut the [EFF!] up. We didn't come here to discuss Pegasus's ambiguous sexual orientation—

ZORC: I did!

MARIK: Shut up! What we came here to do is defeat Yugi Muto, once and for all!

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains. (Subtitle: I came here for the free tacos.)

MARIK: By the way, there are no free tacos; that was a lie.

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains... (Subtitle: It figures.)

FLORENCE: So how are we going to defeat Yugi? Are we going to kill him? Because I would be totally on board with that. Especially if it involves knives. I like knives. They make me feel all tingly...

MARIK: No! We won't kill Yugi Muto! That would be too obvious!

FLORENCE: Too fun, more like it...

MARIK: Drum roll, please. (beat) Come on, is it too much to ask for a [EFF!]ing drum roll? (drum roll starts) Thank you, for God's sake... In order to defeat Yugi Muto, we're going to... play a children's card game with him! Dun-dun-duuuuun! (drum roll continues)

FLORENCE: That's your plan?

PEGASUS: I already did that.

WEEVIL: Yeah, me too, heh-heh.

MARIK: This will be no ordinary card game. It will... look, you can stop the drum roll now! (drum roll stops) Thank you. This card game will take place... on a boat!

FLORENCE: A boat.

MARIK: Yes. Ingenious, isn't it?

FLORENCE: Why a boat?

MARIK: Because, when he loses the card game... we'll... push him over the edge of the boat! ...Into the sea!

FLORENCE: And what, pray tell, will that accomplish?

MARIK: Well, his hair will be soaked. It'll take him hours to dry it.

FLORENCE: Why do we even need to play a card game? Why can't we just push him off the boat?

MARIK: ... No! The card game is integral to the plot! The evil plot! Of which I am the evil mastermind!

REX: Uh... hey! Where are all the chicks?

WEEVIL: Yeah, heh-heh, where are the chicks?

MARIK: What did they just say?

FLORENCE: I think he wants to know why there aren't any women here.

MARIK: Foolish fools! There are no women in Yu-Gi-Oh! There are only extremely girly men! And I am the most girly of them all!

PEGASUS: Keep telling yourself that.

FLORENCE: Look, if we're going to defeat Yugi, we need to think of something truly evil. Something that doesn't involve children's card games.

MARIK: What? No card games? You're insane! ... I mean, more insane than the rest of us!

ZORC: I have an idea!

MARIK: Oh? And what's your idea, giant monster man?

ZORC: Why don't we destroy the world? (beat) People usually laugh when I say that...

MARIK: Well, we're not laughing. By the way, what is that thing on your crotch? You know, that dragon... head... thing.

ZORC: Oh, that's my willy.

MARIK: Geez, man, put some [EFF!]ing pants on, will you?! What about you Bob, do you have any ideas?

BOB: (incoherent mumbling)

MARIK: Yeah that's great, shut up.

FLORENCE: Wait a minute, if these are all the Yu-Gi-Oh! villains, then where are the stupid motorcycle freaks? You know, the ones from season four?

MARIK: You mean the season nobody liked?

FLORENCE: That's the one.

MARIK: I didn't invite them; they're just a bunch of dorks.

FLORENCE: For once, we agree on something.

CAPTION: Meanwhile...

DARTZ: This is an outrage! Marik is having an evil council meeting, and we're not invited! They've even got free tacos, the bastards!

ALISTER: That Marik is so mean, boss!

VALON: Crikey, mate, put another shrimp on the barbie, wotcher!

RAFAEL: Zug zug.

DARTZ: We're not going to let him get away with this. We'll have our own evil council, and ours will be much better. And we'll have pizza! Pizza is better than tacos. Isn't that right, my evil motorcycle-riding henchmen?

ALISTER: Hooray!

RAFAEL: Zug zug.

(Cut to Egypt)

MARIK: Come on, one of you mother[EFF!]ers must have a decent plan to defeat Yugi!

ZYGOR: Duh, I've got an idea.

MARIK: Oh, goody. The big lurching freakjob has an idea. Well, go ahead and sock it to us, big man.

ZYGOR: Duh, what if we stole his Millennium Item while he's asleep? Then he won't be able to stop us.

MARIK: That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard! You go to the back of the class!

ZYGOR: Doh, I'm so stupid...

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains! (Subtitle: Leave him alone!)

MARIK: What is it, zombie boy? Do you have an idea that doesn't involve eating people's brains?

ZOMBIE BOY: Brains... (Subtitle: Well, actually...)

FLORENCE: Enough of this! There's only one way to truly defeat Yugi Muto, and I know what it is!

MARIK: For the last time, we're not killing him! Even if we did, those [EFF!]tards would just censor it!

FLORENCE: We're not going to kill him.

MARIK: Then tell us, Fluffy, what shall we do?

FLORENCE: I told you not to call me Fluffy in public.

MARIK: Well, you're asking for it. Look at you! You look like a human Furby, for [EFF!]'s sake!

WEEVIL: I had a Furby once. I made it say stuff like, "I like to touch myself", heh-heh, and, like, "Boobies are great!", heh-heh-heh! Furbies are cool.

FLORENCE: Listen to me, damnit. The only way to defeat Yugi Muto is to spam his YouTube profile.

MARIK: Spam his what?

FLORENCE: His YouTube profile. If we can send hundreds of rude messages to his YouTube profile, he'll have no choice but to surrender to our superior might.

MARIK: That does actually sound like a good idea. It's very evil! I like it. Now, let's go defeat Yugi Muto once and for all!

SID: Oy, I didn't get any lines!

MARIK: Save it for the next video, Red.

BOB: (incoherent mumbling)

MARIK: You said it, Bob!

(Elsewhere)

DARTZ: And so, in order to defeat Marik, we shall spam his YouTube account!

ALISTER': Great idea, boss!

VALON: Stone the flaming crows, the dingos ate my baby! Wotcher!

DARTZ: I'm surrounded by idiots...

RAFAEL: Zug zug.

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