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← Episode 02 Episode 03 Episode 04 →

Cast (In order of appearance): Yami Bakura, Lumis, Umbra, Zorc, Teddy, Marik, Pegasus, Rex, Weevil, Dan Green, Alister, Valon, Dartz, Rafael

Date: November 27, 2009

Running Time: 9:09

TranscriptEdit

(scene shows a five-star hotel)

CAPTION: Somewhere in Egypt...?

YAMI BAKURA: Personally, I think they jumped the shark in season two. I mean, as much as I love watching people press a button over and over again—

LUMIS: Your opinions are so amusing.

UMBRA: Yeah, they amuse us!

LUMIS: Because they are so very wrong.

UMBRA: Wrong like Donkey Kong's schlong!

LUMIS: Season two was exceptional. You just did not get it.

YAMI BAKURA: Well then, don't even get me started on season five. I mean, come on. Time travel? What kind of deus ex machina bullsh*tery is that?

LUMIS: The time travel was also exceptional. You just did not get it.

UMBRA: You're slow, man!

ZORC: I like Desmond.

YAMI BAKURA: Desmond is very much win. Unlike Hurley, who belongs right in the Shadow Realm.

TEDDY: People who watch Lost will spend eternity in the seventh circle of hell!

ZORC: As long as Desmond is with Penelope, I don't care.

MARIK: Silence!

LUMIS: Yes, silence. Everybody bow down to your digital ruler.

UMBRA: Bow down, muchachos!

MARIK: Hey! What part of "silence" don't you people understand?

LUMIS: The part where you apologize to us for having such a horrible attitude.

UMBRA: That part!

MARIK: Oh, well... in that case, I'm very sorry.

LUMIS: That's much better. Please, continue with your lame speech.

MARIK: Right, yes, well, as I was saying, uh... Silence!

YAMI BAKURA: Marik, nobody was saying anything.

MARIK: It was a preemptive silence!

YAMI BAKURA: Oh, so you silenced the silence. Good job.

MARIK: Yes, that silence didn't know what hit it! I would now like to call the third meeting of the Evil Council of Doom to order!

YAMI BAKURA: Before you go any further, can I ask why we're holding this meeting in Michigan?

MARIK: Well, our Egyptian hideout was destroyed in the last Christmas special, so we needed a change of scenery. I figured this was as good as any.

YAMI BAKURA: Marik, this place is home to that local animé convention, Youmacon. We're hardly inconspicuous.

MARIK: Precisely! It's perfect; we're hiding in plain sight. Everyone will just assume we're cosplayers.

YAMI BAKURA: Oh come now, we're not that evil.

MARIK: By the way, Bakura, your costume could use some work.

YAMI BAKURA: What?

MARIK: I mean I don't like to criticize, but it looks like your mother made that for you.

YAMI BAKURA: This isn't a costume, Marik. It's my clothes.

MARIK: Well, you could have done a better job, is all I'm saying.

YAMI BAKURA: A better job of what?

PEGASUS: Are we actually going to defeat Yugi this time or are we going to prattle on about how fabulous we look? Because I know which I'd rather do.

REX: Huhuhuhuh, "do".

WEEVIL: Yeah. Heheheh.

MARIK: I was just getting to that, Pegasus! First I would like to introduce our newest members. May I present Steve Luna and Steve Umbris! They are both Steves of the highest caliber!

LUMIS: You best check yourselves, before you wreck yourselves.

UMBRA: Check-checkity check yourselves!

MARIK: Also joining us is famous voice actor Dan Green!

DAN GREEN: Hi. I'm Dan Green.

YAMI BAKURA: What the bloody hell is he doing here? He's not a villain!

DAN GREEN: No, but I played a villain in one of the Pokémon movies.

MARIK: That was a good movie.

DAN GREEN: Yes. Yes, it was.

MARIK: Hey, is Ash Ketchum a dick in real life?

YAMI BAKURA: Marik, you had an evil plan to discuss...?

MARIK: What, evil plan? What the hell are you talking about?

YAMI BAKURA: Marik...

MARIK: Oh, yes. That thing. I have concocted a plan so evil that it will make Bakura look like a harmless kitten. Even more so than he already does.

YAMI BAKURA: Not a kitty!

MARIK: We are going to find Yugi Moto, and ask him if we can borrow his puzzle. And then when he gives it to us, we don't give it back to him...

YAMI BAKURA: Marik, as much as I like this plan, I can't help but feel—

MARIK: For at least another two months.

YAMI BAKURA: Okay, forget what I just said.

PEGASUS: Why would you want to give it back to him?

MARIK: That's like the best part. We'll say something like "I'll get it back to you next Tuesday", but then he won't see it for like another seventy-eight days! He'll be so friggin' anxious! His anxiety level will be off the charts.

REX: That plan sucks.

WEEVIL: Yeah, it sucks!

MARIK: What are you guys anyway, a couple of rejected characters from Rugrats: All Grown Up?

WEEVIL: That show was stupid. Heh-heh. The chicks were all flat.

REX: Yeah, uhuhuhuh, and they like, used too many words.

LUMIS: On the Moon, our evil plans are far greater than your pathetic Earth plans.

UMBRA: Our plans are all up in your faaace~

LUMIS: For example, we shall capture Yugi Moto, take him to the deepest core of the Moon and then flay him with moon rope until he screams for his uncle.

UMBRA: I thought he didn't have an uncle, man!

LUMIS: Yes. He will scream for his uncle that does not exist. That is how bad the flaying will be.

MARIK: How many times do I have to tell you people? There will be no flaying! Not after what happened to Bob.

LUMIS: He was a sacrifice the island demanded.

MARIK: And no more Lost references!

LUMIS: Very well.

UMBRA: ...4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.

MARIK: What's that, your friggin' area code?

LUMIS: Yes. On the Moon, our area codes will blow your effing mind.

UMBRA: Blow it right out of your skull!

LUMIS: Don't call us, we'll call you. From space.

(Beat, cut to underwater base)

CAPTION: Deep beneath the ocean's surface...

(Electric Eye plays)

ALISTER: Oh, great and powerful Dartz! How shall we defeat your nemesis, the dreaded Marik Ishtar?

VALON: Tell us, almighty one, so that we may do your bidding!

DARTZ: (sounding like Coiffio) Mah fwiends, dere is only one way to defeat that dooshbag... We will deoo him!

(music stops)

RAFAEL: Um... did you say... "do him"?

DARTZ: (Dartz's hair color changes from light blue to red-orange) I said deoo him! What part of 'deoo him' doncha understand, dooshbag!? (Dartz's hair color changes again, to indigo) We're gonna deoo him! Toogeda! All foh of us, we gonna deoo him. Deoo him hard and thowowowy. Deoo him so hard dat he will feel it in the mo'ning when he wakes up.

ALISTER: Um, boss, are you serious?

DARTZ: (Hair changes to gray) Yes, you asshole! What, you want me to deoo you, too?

ALISTER: No, sir!

DARTZ: (Hair changes to pink)) Then keep your mouth shut, man. Okay, man? (Hair changes to light green) Yeah. So, we gonna deoo him... on motuhcycles.

VALON: Won't that be kind of... uncomfortable?

DARTZ: (Hair changes to dark green) What the [EFF!] you talkin' about, man?

RAFAEL: Yeah, I, I don't wanna do anybody on a motorbike—

DARTZ: (Hair changes to red) Deoo!

RAFAEL: ...Are you saying "do", or "duel"?

DARTZ: (Hair changes to orange) Deoooo!!

RAFAEL: ...So you want us to do Marik?

DARTZ: (Hair changes back to light blue) Yes, and I will stand here and watch you deoo him!

ALISTER: ...Well, okay then... Let's... go do Marik... I guess.

DARTZ: (Hair changes to black) Deoo him, dooshbags! Thowowowy!

(cuts back to Youmacon)

MARIK: So! Which of us shall ask Yugi to hand over the puzzle?

YAMI BAKURA: As our newest member, I nominate Dan Green.

DAN GREEN: Hi.

MARIK: Interesting choice, Bakura.

YAMI BAKURA: Yes, well, I thought that if anybody should show you how ridiculous you plan is, it should be the most inappropriate member of our team.

MARIK: Fly, Dan Green! Fly away and take the puzzle from that diminutive high school student! Fly towards victory!

DAN GREEN: ...Okay? (cuts to Dan Green talking to Yugi) Hello, I'm Dan Green. You may remember from such animated products as "Stepmother's Sin" and "The Little Panda Fighter".

YUGI: Can I... help you with something?

DAN GREEN: (thinking) Oh dear, I completely forgot what I was supposed to be doing. Come on, Dan. Think! Hmm, I know! I'll just activate my sexy man voice. That usually works. (aloud) I'm going to do my laundry! Could I have some change?

YUGI: I guess that's okay. So is that everything?

DAN GREEN: Umm, yes. I think so.

(cuts back to Youmacon)

MARIK: It didn't work!

YAMI BAKURA: (sarcastically) Personally, I am shocked.

MARIK: Dan Green, you are a most disappointing villain!

ALISTER: Okay, everybody, hold it!

VALON: We're here on behalf of Dartz.

RAFAEL: Mmhmm.

MARIK: Frig! Who let all these nerds in here?

YAMI BAKURA: Well it is an animé convention...

MARIK: What the [EFF!] do you guys want?

VALON: We're here to deliver a message from our master.

ALISTER: Yes! Apparently we have to... do you.

MARIK: Do me?!

ALISTER: Yeah. It's... kinda weird.

MARIK: It's also never gonna happen because I'm not gay!

YAMI BAKURA: Hahahahahahaha!

MARIK: What? What's so funny?

YAMI BAKURA: Come on, Marik, we all know.

MARIK: Know what?

REX: Uhhuhuhuhhuh, yeah, we know.

WEEVIL: Yeah, heheh, we know.

PEGASUS: I definitely know.

MARIK: Know what?! What the hell does everybody know?!

YAMI BAKURA: Marik, I believe it's time you came out of the closet.

MARIK: Oh, what, just because a guy likes to dress effeminately, and hang around with another extremely attractive man, and read yaoi, and flaunt his gorgeous abs, and stroke a phallic symbol suggestively in every other scene, that automatically makes him gay?!

YAMI BAKURA: ...Kinda.

ZORC: Yeah, kinda.

TEDDY: Yup.

MARIK: Ugh, you're all pricks.

YAMI BAKURA: Well then, no wonder you like us so much.

MARIK: Agh! I am one hundred percent straight! Honestly!

ALISTER: ...So can we do you now—

MARIK: Get out of my hotel room!

(Electric Eye plays over credits.)

CAPTION: [yessir, that's takahata101 as dartz!]

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