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← "Lord of the Cards" #5: "My Funny Skankentine" "Everybody Hates Mako" →

Cast (In order of appearance): Yami, Joey, Téa, Yugi, Tristan, Serenity, Mai

Date: July 31, 2006

Running Time: 4:14

TranscriptEdit

Intro

YAMI: (holding a box of cereal) Yu-Gi-Oh! is sponsored by Yugios. They're Yugi-licious. Wait a minute— "Yugi-licious"? Is that even a word?

OFF-SCREEN VOICE: It lets the kids know that they're tasty!

YAMI: Yes, but "Yugi-licious"? Are they supposed to taste like Yugi or something?

OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Yami...

YAMI: How exactly do you go about testing something like that? I mean, besides the obvious method...

OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Just... say... the line... you amateur.

YAMI: Fine. Yugios! Apparently, they're Yugi-licious! OK, where's my [bleep]ing paycheck?

(New Title Sequence plays, with theme music from the original Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 0) anime ("Kawaita Sakebi"). Yugi puts his deck in his pocket and whips his belt before transforming into Yami, who does a Mind Crush.)

At Duelist Kingdom

JOEY: Even though I'm the clear underdog in this tournament, the fact that I'm a main character pretty much assures me a place in the finals!

TÉA: Yes, but the fact that you're a comic relief character means that you can't possibly win!

JOEY: (falls over anime style) Nyeheheh...

YUGI: He's just overly excited, because this is the first episode that actually revolves around his character.

TRISTAN: I can't wait until I get MY own episode!

(crickets)

TRISTAN: It's never gonna happen, is it?

TÉA: Do the words "robot monkey" mean anything to you?

JOEY: It's at times like this that I actually miss hanging out with my sister.

Flashback

SERENITY: Where are we, Joey? Where are you taking me, big brother?

JOEY: To the beach! That's what you said you wanted, right?

SERENITY: Actually, I'd much rather be at home playing video games.

JOEY: We're going to the beach.

SERENITY: Joey, you're the world's best brother. Maybe one day, you'll win a card game tournament to help fix my eyesight.

JOEY: Sorry, I didn't hear that. Your voice is just too high-pitched.

SERENITY: I love you, Joey.

JOEY: Nope, I didn't catch that either.

SERENITY: Can we go home now?

JOEY: Seriously, stop talking, ya dumb broad!

End flashback

JOEY: (thinking) I promise ya sis, I promise that I'll win this tournament and get the prize money. Then you'll be able to afford speaking lessons, and you'll learn to talk good, like what I do.

MAI (offscreen): You lost, crybaby, now give me your star chips!

TÉA: Since there's only one other female character on this island, that has to be Mai.

(Mai and the duelist she defeated are in front of a duel ring. Mai is seen laughing, although her laughter is not heard, as she holds up her glove of star chips, including those she took from the loser.)

LOSER: It's not fair! I thought disguising myself as a bee would help me to win!

JOEY: Ain't it a little unfair for a grown woman to go around challenging children at card games?

MAI: Wow, Yugi, you have such small hands.

She takes his hand, and Téa goes nuts. The "alert" sound from Metal Gear Solid is heard as Mai grabs Yugi's hand

MAI: I like that in a man.

TÉA: (in strange robotic voice) Back off, bitch, he's mine!

MAI: My breasts challenge you to a duel!

JOEY: Samurai Warrior Guy! Attack her Winged Aerobics Instructor!

YUGI: Wait, Joey! In this episode, flying monsters have an advantage over land-based monsters for no adequately explored reason!

JOEY: How did ya summon that monster without even looking at ya card?

MAI: I have ESP.

JOEY: Woah! Too much information, lady!

MAI: ESP! Not PMS!!

JOEY: Oh, so you're psychic.

MAI: Bingo. And it's not a trick, so don't even bother trying to figure it out.

JOEY: Wait a minute, you just sprayed all your cards with perfume!

MAI: No way! How could an amateur punk like you see through my aroma strategy?

JOEY: It sure is lucky I don't still have that cold from the previous episode, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to notice something like that.

TÉA: Joey needs help, Yugi! Transform into your sexy alter-ego!

YUGI: Ta-dada-da-dadaa! Puberty Power! (transforms into Yami)

YAMI: Don't let her boobies distract you, Joey! You can defeat her. Her cards share one very distinct weakness.

JOEY: What's that?

YAMI: They've all been censored by 4Kids.

Before and after shots of Cyber Bondage appear, along with the subtitle (nipples = bad, kids)

JOEY: That's right! With the power of 4Kids and sexism, I can win this duel! Time Roulette GO! (summons Time Wizard)

The Time Wizard attacks, and the Time Warp song plays.

JOEY: Thousand Dragon! Destroy all three of her Harpies at once!

TRISTAN: Doesn't anyone in this tournament know the rules to this game?

MAI: How... could I lose... to such an amateur?

JOEY: That's just what ya get for being a woman. With girly parts.

YAMI: Well done, Joey. You won your first real duel. Just remember that you're nothing without me. NOTHING!

JOEY: Hooray for censorship! (the 4Kids TV logo appears above him)

End

Stinger:

YAMI: (as Luke Skywalker) Your overconfidence is your weakness.

KAIBA: (as The Emperor) Your faith in your friends is yours.

Kaiba appears on screen along with the text:
guess who's
back next
week?

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