|← "Lord of the Cards"||#5: "My Funny Skankentine"||"Everybody Hates Mako" →|
Date: July 31, 2006
Running Time: 4:14
YAMI: (holding a box of cereal) Yu-Gi-Oh! is sponsored by Yugios. They're Yugi-licious. Wait a minute— "Yugi-licious"? Is that even a word?
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: It lets the kids know that they're tasty!
YAMI: Yes, but "Yugi-licious"? Are they supposed to taste like Yugi or something?
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Yami...
YAMI: How exactly do you go about testing something like that? I mean, besides the obvious method...
OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Just... say... the line... you amateur.
YAMI: Fine. Yugios! Apparently, they're Yugi-licious! OK, where's my [bleep]ing paycheck?
(New Title Sequence plays, with theme music from the original Yu-Gi-Oh! (season 0) anime ("Kawaita Sakebi"). Yugi puts his deck in his pocket and whips his belt before transforming into Yami, who does a Mind Crush.)
At Duelist Kingdom
JOEY: Even though I'm the clear underdog in this tournament, the fact that I'm a main character pretty much assures me a place in the finals!
TÉA: Yes, but the fact that you're a comic relief character means that you can't possibly win!
JOEY: (falls over anime style) Nyeheheh...
YUGI: He's just overly excited, because this is the first episode that actually revolves around his character.
TRISTAN: I can't wait until I get MY own episode!
TRISTAN: It's never gonna happen, is it?
TÉA: Do the words "robot monkey" mean anything to you?
JOEY: It's at times like this that I actually miss hanging out with my sister.
SERENITY: Where are we, Joey? Where are you taking me, big brother?
JOEY: To the beach! That's what you said you wanted, right?
SERENITY: Actually, I'd much rather be at home playing video games.
JOEY: We're going to the beach.
SERENITY: Joey, you're the world's best brother. Maybe one day, you'll win a card game tournament to help fix my eyesight.
JOEY: Sorry, I didn't hear that. Your voice is just too high-pitched.
SERENITY: I love you, Joey.
JOEY: Nope, I didn't catch that either.
SERENITY: Can we go home now?
JOEY: Seriously, stop talking, ya dumb broad!
JOEY: (thinking) I promise ya sis, I promise that I'll win this tournament and get the prize money. Then you'll be able to afford speaking lessons, and you'll learn to talk good, like what I do.
MAI (offscreen): You lost, crybaby, now give me your star chips!
TÉA: Since there's only one other female character on this island, that has to be Mai.
(Mai and the duelist she defeated are in front of a duel ring. Mai is seen laughing, although her laughter is not heard, as she holds up her glove of star chips, including those she took from the loser.)
LOSER: It's not fair! I thought disguising myself as a bee would help me to win!
JOEY: Ain't it a little unfair for a grown woman to go around challenging children at card games?
MAI: Wow, Yugi, you have such small hands.
She takes his hand, and Téa goes nuts. The "alert" sound from Metal Gear Solid is heard as Mai grabs Yugi's hand
MAI: I like that in a man.
TÉA: (in strange robotic voice) Back off, bitch, he's mine!
MAI: My breasts challenge you to a duel!
YUGI: Wait, Joey! In this episode, flying monsters have an advantage over land-based monsters for no adequately explored reason!
JOEY: How did ya summon that monster without even looking at ya card?
MAI: I have ESP.
JOEY: Woah! Too much information, lady!
MAI: ESP! Not PMS!!
JOEY: Oh, so you're psychic.
MAI: Bingo. And it's not a trick, so don't even bother trying to figure it out.
JOEY: Wait a minute, you just sprayed all your cards with perfume!
MAI: No way! How could an amateur punk like you see through my aroma strategy?
JOEY: It sure is lucky I don't still have that cold from the previous episode, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to notice something like that.
TÉA: Joey needs help, Yugi! Transform into your sexy alter-ego!
YUGI: Ta-dada-da-dadaa! Puberty Power! (transforms into Yami)
YAMI: Don't let her boobies distract you, Joey! You can defeat her. Her cards share one very distinct weakness.
JOEY: What's that?
YAMI: They've all been censored by 4Kids.
Before and after shots of Cyber Bondage appear, along with the subtitle (nipples = bad, kids)
JOEY: That's right! With the power of 4Kids and sexism, I can win this duel! Time Roulette GO! (summons Time Wizard)
The Time Wizard attacks, and the Time Warp song plays.
JOEY: Thousand Dragon! Destroy all three of her Harpies at once!
TRISTAN: Doesn't anyone in this tournament know the rules to this game?
MAI: How... could I lose... to such an amateur?
JOEY: That's just what ya get for being a woman. With girly parts.
YAMI: Well done, Joey. You won your first real duel. Just remember that you're nothing without me. NOTHING!
JOEY: Hooray for censorship! (the 4Kids TV logo appears above him)
YAMI: (as Luke Skywalker) Your overconfidence is your weakness.
KAIBA: (as The Emperor) Your faith in your friends is yours.
Kaiba appears on screen along with the text: