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← "Sore" #31: "Perfectly Ultimate Bunghole" "The Worst Of Both Worlds" →

Cast (in order of appearance): Yami Yugi, Joey Wheeler, Mai Valentine, Yugi Muto, Marik Ishtar, Steve the Mime, Fanboy, Grandpa, Tristan Taylor, Téa Gardner, Weevil Underwood, Serenity Wheeler, Nurse, Kid, Seto Kaiba

Date: November 10, 2008

Running Time: 7:21

Transcript Edit

[intro]

YAMI: And now for something completely different: card games.

Battle City

JOEY: Mai Valentine? How in the heck did you get four Locator Cards? Did you sleep with Kaiba or something?

MAI: Is it so hard to accept that I actually won some card games for a change?

JOEY: Get your Kaiba-loving boobies out of my face!

YUGI (with a clock in the background): I still don't know what time it is.

(Marik, who is inside the body of Strings, watches as Yugi walks past.)

MARIK (speaking through Strings): I'll tell you what time it is, you fool! Time for you to say your prayers! Because I, the evil Marik Sebastian Ishtar, have taken control of the most evil Steve in all of Stevedom! Steve the Mime! With his help, I shall defeat you and then conquer the world! A-ha-ha-ha-ha, a-ha-ha! (A bird lands on his shoulder.) Oh, hey, look, a bird! Isn't it just the cutest little guy? I mean, No! I-In my new world, all birds shall be enslaved! Especially this one, and he shall be named Mr. Tweetums! For it is very evil! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Now be gone, Mr. Tweetums! I am trying to stalk my nemesis!

Title sequence

(On the streets)

FANBOY: Hey, it's Jonouchi!

JOEY: Nyeh?

FANBOY: Jonouchi-chan, I'm your biggest fan! Can I have your autograph?

JOEY: Sorry kid, I think you've got me confused with someone else.

FANBOY: Nope! You're Jonouchi-chan! Your best friend is Honda-kun! I'm a fanboy, so I don't like to watch the dubbed episodes. Gomennasai!

JOEY (thinking): This kid ain't makin' any sense! Maybe if I sign his deal, he'll leave me alone. Or at least stop usin' all those crazy words. (aloud): TA-DA! See? I signed it, Joey Wheeler.

FANBOY: But your name is Jonouchi!

JOEY: No, it's Joey Wheeler.

FANBOY: Can I glomp you?

JOEY: No, that's okay, um, Here, I'll let you hold my Duel Disk if you promise not to touch me.

FANBOY: Sugoi! Jonouchi-chan is kawaii! Arigatou!

JOEY: Yeah, A-ri-ga-to back at ya, pal. Just remember, you treat a Duel Disk just like a woman. You fasten it to your arm and place trading cards inside it at regular intervals. And another thing--

FANBOY (running away): Gomennasaiii Jonouchi-channn!!!

JOEY: F*cking fanboys!

GRANDPA: Why are we randomly hanging out together?

TRISTAN: Hey, look! That kid must've stolen Joey's duel disk! This looks like a job for Ineffectual Minor Character Man!

JOEY: Nice job, Tristan! Be careful, he's a fanboy!

TRISTAN: Want me to break his neck?

JOEY: Maybe later.

FANBOY: I'm really sorry, Jonouchi! I just got so sick of writing horrible fanfiction! So I wanted to find other ways to ruin my favorite show for everybody else! Gomennasai!

TRISTAN: He keeps talking in that crazy alien language! Let's break his neck!

JOEY: Nyehh, I still don't get why you tried to steal my Duel Disk.

FANBOY: It wasn't my idea; somebody else put me up to it. He was short, had blue hair, and wore glasses!

TRISTAN, JOEY and TÉA: Milhouse?!?

JOEY: I implicitly believe you, thieving child!

(In a dark alley somewhere)

WEEVIL: Heh heh. So like, did it work?

FANBOY: Yeah. I put the card in Jonouchi's deck, just like you told me to.

WEEVIL: Cool. Heheh. Now I can like, do something! Or something.

FANBOY: What about the rare card you promised me?

WEEVIL: Ohh yeah, um, here you go!

FANBOY: But I can't even see what this card is!

WEEVIL: That's because I gave you the uncensored version of Enchanting Mermaid. Heheh. You can totally see her boobs! Oh, hey, check this out, heh heh eh heh heh, Loogie Gun! (shoots fanboy with slime gun) Heh heh, heh HEH heh heh. Heh, loogies are cool!

(At the hospital. The Trauma Center theme song plays)

OVER LOUDSPEAKER: Doctor Stiles, please report to the infirmary.

(At Serenity's room)

SERENITY: What's wrong, Nurse Cameltoe?

NURSE: Sorry to bother you, Serenity, but if you happen to see a little boy, please let us know. He's recently recovered from a seizure after watching an episode of Pokémon. And now, he's convinced he's Ash Ketchum. He keeps calling me "Nurse Joy", it's quite annoying.

SERENITY: Didn't we already make a gazillion Pokémon references?

NURSE: Yes, but this one is actually relevant. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go practice being unsympathetic towards sick people. Hurry up and get better.

SERENITY: Hmm, I wonder if my blindness will give me super powers, and inexplicable attraction to Jennifer Garner. Hey, what's that noise?

KID (Pokémon theme plays in background): Hey, I'm Ash Ketchum, Pokémon Trainer!

SERENITY: Oh, for the love of--

KID: I'm gonna be the best Pokémon Trainer the world has ever seen.

SERENITY: I don't care.

KID: Are you Misty?

SERENITY: No, I'm not Misty.

KID: Come on, Pikachu! We gotta beat Team Rocket!

SERENITY: Okay, where the hell is the panic button?

(Cut to Joey and the others, facing Weevil)

JOEY: Weevil Underwood! So it was you who tricked that kid into stealing my Duel Disk for no apparent reason! That gives me rage of the Brooklyn variety!

WEEVIL: Heh heh. Yeah. It's like, Revenge will be mine, and stuff. Breakin' the law, breakin' the law!

JOEY: What are you talking about? Yugi was the one who beat you in Season One. What's your beef with loveable ol' Joey Wheeler?

WEEVIL: Um, heh. I don't know. I don't even think we've met before. But like, apparently, I hate your guts. Heh. Now let's go play a children's card game and stuff.

TÉA: Anime Milhouse is a jerk!

WEEVIL: Check it out! Heh, I'm gonna summon my rarest monster. The Perfectly Ultimate Great Moth!

GRANDPA: Perfectly Ultimate Great Moth?!? That's one of the most powerful cards in all of Duel Monsters!

JOEY: Oh yeah? Well, I summon the Swordsman of Landstar!

GRANDPA: The Swordsman of Landstar?!? That's one of the most powerful cards in all of Duel Monsters!

WEEVIL (Caramelldansen playing in background): Heheh, you activated my Trap, buttmunch! Now all your monsters will be forced to dance uncontrollably to crappy Japanese pop music!

JOEY: I beg to differ! I summon Jinzo, negating the effects of your internet cliché.

CAPTION: [I hate that song]

WEEVIL: So like, I used that kid to sneak a parasite card into your Deck. Forcing all your monsters to become Insect-types!

JOEY: Nyehh, It's like something out of David Cronenburg's remake of The Fly! Except it isn't happening to Jeff Goldblum, so it's less repulsive!

GRANDPA: Jeff Goldblum?!? He's one of the most powerful cards in all of Duel Monsters!

JOEY: I thought Kaiba said this tournament was gonna adhere to the rules. Weevil should be disqualified right now!

TÈA: Face it, Joey, Kaiba hates you more than George Lucas hates Star Wars! He's probably just laughing at you, right now!

(KaibaCorp)

CAPTION: [meanwhile, at kaibacorp]

KAIBA: Teeheehee.

(Back to the Duel)

WEEVIL: I summon my Insect Queen! Heh heh.

GRANDPA: Insect Queen?!? That's one of the most powerful cards in--

EVERYONE ELSE: SHUT UP!

GRANDPA: Well, it is.

(Back at Serenity's Room)

SERENITY: So... is my brother winning, or...?

KID (Pokémon theme continues in background): Come on, Misty! We have to get to Viridian City!

SERENITY: I'm not going anywhere. I'm recovering from the operation that I didn't have.

KID: You're funny, Misty! Hey, remember that time when you got freaked out by those Bug Pokémon?

SERENITY: No.

KID: You were all like, "Ahh! Those are Bug Pokémon! I do not like them!"

SERENITY: Hey, Ash?

KID: Yeah, Misty?

SERENITY: That doctor told me you have cancer.

(Theme music ends)

KID: Oh. Is that some sort of new Pokémon that can't be found in the Johto Region?

SERENITY: No, it's cancer.

(Back to the Duel between Joey and Weevil; Insect Queen has destroyed one of Joey's monsters, Special Summoning an Insect Monster Token)

JOEY: Ewww, his Insect Queen is eating my monsters!

TRISTAN: And it turned them into Smooze!

TÉA: No, not Smooze!

GRANDPA: Nothing can stop the Smooze!

JOEY: Now I'm gonna destroy your mighty Insect Queen with a magical can of bug spray. Seriously. That's how I defeat you. Clearly this is a victory for the record books. Let that be a lesson to ya, Weevil - minor characters from season one stand absolutely no chance in this tournament. That's why I'm gonna take you out, one at a time. 'Cause I'm Joey Wheeler, card game warrior.

WEEVIL: Would you like to see my bunghole?

JOEY: Okay, Tristan, now you can break his neck.

WEEVIL: (neck breaks) Aah!

TRISTAN: Yeah, I can break necks with my mind.

End. "Nothing Can Stop The Smooze" from My Little Pony: The Movie plays. A picture of Jeff Goldblum as a Yu-Gi-Oh! card appears with the caption "Must Go Faster..." in its description.

CAPTION: [jeff goldblum > exodia]

Stinger: Kaiba throws Mokuba Kaiba into the blimp before jumping on while "Move Bitch" by Ludacris plays.)

The logo for Pokémon X appears

CAPTION: http://pokemonx.comicgenesis.com
(hey, at least he updates...)

YAMI: If you enjoyed all the unfunny Pokémon references in this episode, then you'll just love Pokémon X. God, I hate shameless plugs...

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