|← "Pilot"||#2: "Rocky VII"||"My Cards Will Go On" →|
Date: July 16, 2006
Running Time: 4:43
[flying cards opening]
YAMI: In tonight's episode, the part of Tristan Taylor will be played by Barney the Dinosaur.
BAKURA: I say, Yugi, can I play too?
YUGI: Sorry, Bakura, main characters only.
JOEY: Playin' card games sure beats doin' schoolwork. Arithmetic is for losers! (Téa plays a card) Now I just gotta subtract your defense points from my attack points and...and, uh...wait a minute, how do I do that?
TÉA: It's official, you're an idiot.
I love you, you love me,
We're a happy family...
JOEY: Tristan's song taught me a valuable lesson. I need to learn how to be a better duelist. Ya gotta help me out here, Yug!
YUGI: Let me see your deck. (looks through Joey's deck; thinking) Oh man, his deck is even more powerful than mine! Woah, the Dark Magician! I just gotta have that! (aloud) Jeez, Joey, your cards are worthless! Tell you what, why don't I get rid of these, and we'll go visit Gramps and set you up with a new special super awesome deck?
JOEY: Thanks, Yug, you're always lookin' out for me!
GRANDPA: (stroking poster) Oh Black Luster Soldier, no one must ever know of our forbidden love...
JOEY: (enters with Yugi) Hey, Yugi's grandpa! How about trainin' me to become Duel Monsters champ over here?
GRANDPA: Very well, but it will require hours of rigorous off-screen practice.
JOEY: Really? I don't even get a trainin' montage?
GRANDPA: Who do you think you are? Rocky Balboa?
(On TV, Weevil Underwood and Rex Raptor prepare to duel)
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Regional Championship, where the comic relief villains are having a meaningless duel. I can't believe we're actually airing this on TV, folks!
(Zoom out to a TV set in Yugi's room)
JOEY: Man, I love the Card Game Channel.
YUGI: It's almost as good as the Watching Paint Dry Channel.
GRANDPA: (holding a package) There's a package here for you, Yugi. You'd better not have been using my credit card to buy Duel Monsters merchandise off eBay again!
YUGI: (taking the package) It's from Industrial Illusions. I guess they heard about my victory over Kaiba.
JOEY: Yeah, those card games are big news. It completely overshadowed the fact that he kidnapped and hospitalized your Grandpa!
TRISTAN: Hey, look! I'm on TV!
JOEY: What are ya talking about, Tristan? That's just a purple dinosaur.
(Rex has summoned Two-Headed King Rex)
REX: Uh-huh-huh, hey Weevil, check it out. My dinosaur's horny. Uh-huh-huh, get it?
WEEVIL: Yeah, heh-heh-heh, yeah, heh-heh-heh, heh-heh...
REX: It's, like, your move, or something?
WEEVIL: Heh-heh-heh, bugs are cool, heh-heh-heh. (plays Basic Insect)
YUGI: (watching TV) These guys sound awfully familiar...
REX: So, like, I'll...attack or something?
WEEVIL: You, like, activated my Trap Card, buttmunch. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
REX: Uh-huh-huh, no way.
WEEVIL: Fire! Fire! Yeah, heh-heh-heh, heh-heh-heh.
(Basic Insect destroys Two-Headed King Rex)
REX: This sucks! I'm gonna go, like, get some nachos.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Maximillion PEEEEGASUS!
PEGASUS: (entering with a trophy) Congratulations, Mr. Underwood, here's your trophy. Now, allow me to render your victory utterly pointless by announcing a far more interesting contest with a much grander title up for grabs.
WEEVIL: (taking the trophy) Whoa, heh, this chick is hot! Heh-heh-heh...
(Yugi has opened his package)
YUGI: Hey, there was a video inside the package! (plays the video)
GRANDPA: I just hope it's not one of those cursed video tapes that are all the rage these days...
PEGASUS: (on tape) Seven days...
GRANDPA: Oh snap, I knew it!
PEGASUS: That's right, Yugi-boy! There are only seven days 'til Duelist Kingdom! And in order to get you to enter I'm going to force you to play a Shadow Game! (sucks Yugi into the Shadow Realm, freezing his friends) Win in 15 minutes and I'll release your friends.
YAMI: That's fine by me, Pegasus! I'll beat you with the cards I took from...I mean, the cards that Joey gave me! (prepares to play a card)
PEGASUS: You won't beat anyone with that Dragon card.
YAMI: You can see into my mind?
PEGASUS: Yes, Pharaoh-boy! And I can see that you and I have a great deal in common!
YAMI: What's that supposed to mean?
PEGASUS: Isn't it obvious?
YAMI: Look, pal, just because I inhabit the body of a teenage boy doesn't mean I'm a—
PEGASUS: Oh come now, Pharaoh-boy, don't be so gauche! I was referring to our Millennium Items.
YAMI: Oh...right, I knew that!
(24 theme plays as the timer ticks down every second, showing various images of Yami Yugi and Pegasus's duel)
PEGASUS: What would you say if I told you I didn't actually create Duel Monsters, and that it's actually based on mystical duels held by powerful pharaohs many thousands of years ago?
PEGASUS: These pharaohs battled with real monsters and real magic, so as you can imagine, it was a great deal more exciting than the watered-down product I created.
YAMI: Wait a minute, you're just using this monologue to stall for time!
(The timer reaches 00:00)
PEGASUS: Well it worked, didn't it?
YAMI: You're a cheat!
PEGASUS: No, my strategy was merely—
YAMI: Hey, everybody! Pegasus is a big stinky cheater!
PEGASUS: Ooh, so that's the way it's going to be, is it? Fine then. Let's see how your Grandpa manages...without his soul! (his Millennium Eye sucks Grandpa's soul into the TV) Ooooh, I'm so ambiguously camp!
GRANDPA: (hands pressed against the TV) Yuuugiii...
YUGI: (changing back from Yami Yugi) You bastard! You turned him into a mime! (everyone is unfrozen; Grandpa's body collapses) Grandpa! Graaaandpaaaa!
JOEY: Hey, Yug, down in front, will ya?
TRISTAN: Yeah, we were watching that!
YAMI MARIK: NO! No, not that, the other thing.
TÉA: Superman will never—
YAMI MARIK: WRONG!