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← "Who's That Mokémon?" #29: "The Not-So-Super Roba Bros" "Sore" →

Cast (in order of appearance): Yami, Serenity, Tristan, Espa Roba, Rex, Joey, Espa's brothers, Bakura, Mokuba, Kaiba (young), Téa, Grandpa

Date: June 12, 2008

Running Time: 7:24

TranscriptEdit

(intro)

YAMI: The duelists you are about to see are trained professionals. Do not try this at home.

(hospital)

SERENITY: And that's when I finally came to terms with my identity as a woman. Anyway, thanks for listening to me Tristan. It's strange, I feel really comfortable with you. It's like I can tell you anything. Since my parents got divorced, no one's really been there for me, and now that I have you, well, I feel like I'm falling in love with y--

(rustle, toilet flushing)

SERENITY: Huh?

TRISTAN: I'm back! Sorry, I had to go take a dump while you were talking. I don't even remember eating half the stuff that came out of me. So, what did I miss? Are you still blind and stuff? Serenity? Hey, Serenity! Joey's hot sister!? Oh, great, now she's gone deaf too.

(title sequence)

(Battle City)

ROBA: (in a monotone, loud voice) You're finished, Rex Raptor! Now! Hand over your rarest monster and your locator card!

REX: (handing over his Serpent Night Dragon and locator card) Damn it, huh huh, now I'm never gonna score. Being a minor character sucks.

JOEY: Nyeh, tch tch, what's up Rex?

REX: Weren't you paying attention, buttmunch? I just got my ass kicked by Charlie Brown.

JOEY: And what's so special about him?

ROBA: The name's Espa Roba. And I have the power to look into the future and predict your every strategy.

JOEY: Wait a minute here. Didn't this show already have, like, two other characters with psychic powers?

ROBA: What?

JOEY: (holding up one finger) Yeah! Remember? Mai Valentine did that perfume trick in season one. (holding up two fingers) And now in season two, we got Ishizu Ishtar. So do we really need another character who fakes like he has ESP? I swear, the guy who created this show must have had a hard-on for Miss Cleo.

REX: Hehehehe, yeah. Miss Cleo had big thingies.

(hospital)

TRISTAN: Hey, jailbait. I mean, Serenity. I got you a present! Can you guess what it is?

SERENITY: Is it a cure for my imminent blindness?

TRISTAN: Nope! It's something even better! It's a comput-or! With this, we can log on to DuelTube.com and check out footage from the Battle City tournament, or watch illegaly uploaded movies, but nobody really does that - honest.

SERENITY: You mean we can watch my big brother fighting in the tournament?

TRISTAN: We could do that, or we could watch this music video I made with Windows Movie Maker.

(the computer plays a shoddily made video with the title 'Tristan x Serenity AMV - PLZ RATE 5 PLZ LOL'. The music playing is All-4-One's "I Swear".)

TRISTAN: I think it looks very professional. I especially like the part where it goes all black and white.

SERENITY: Tristan, I can't see anything.

TRISTAN: Oh, that's so sweet. You've been blinded by my love. And by your actual blindness.

(Battle City)

ESPA: It's no use, Joey Wheeler. I can predict every card that you play.

JOEY: In that case, you might wanna keep quiet about it. I mean, you might as well just yell, "Hey everybody, I'm cheating. Please disqualify me."

ESPA: Shut up. I'm trying to use my headset; I mean, uhm, tap into the unknown cosmic forces around us.

(Waldo from "Where's Waldo" is standing among the crowd)

JOEY: Yeah. You do that.

(on a building overlooking the duel)

YAMI: (thinking) It seems the writers had no idea what to do with my character in this episode, so they stuck me on top of a building, hoping that the rest would just write itself. At least while I'm up here, I don't have to put up with any of my so-called "friends". Bunch of ungrateful little bas--

ESPA'S BROTHER: (in same mototone voice) Listen up, brother. The card he just drew is "Graceful Charity". (It is actually "Graceful Dice".)

YAMI: (thinking) Holy Ra! Those guys are cheating. Just like every other character on this show. I could warn Joey about it, but on second thought, it's much more fun to watch him squirm. (out loud) Hey! Joey! Try summoning your Red-Eyes! Oh, wait, you can't because it's mine now! I got it, you don't!

REX: H'yeah, try summoning your Red-Eyes, dillhole.

JOEY: Shut up, Rex! Besides, I took that card from you, remember?

REX: Uh, no.

BAKURA: I say, Joey, can I be in this episode? (He gets crushed by a Thwomp) Oh, double bugger.

(on top of the building)

ESPA'S BROTHER: The next card is...

MOKUBA: Hold it right there, cheaters!

(Nightwish's "Ghost Love Score" plays as Mokuba chases Espa's brothers, while the caption "EPIC MOKUBA MANOEUVRE" flashes onscreen. Mokuba grabs one brother by the ankle; the brother tries to wriggle free, but falls to the ground.)

MOKUBA: The only person who gets away with cheating is my big brother!

ESPA'S BROTHER: Please, Mister. We're only doing this to help out our brother. He means the world to us.

MOKUBA: You're doing it for your brother? (thinking) It's just like me and Seto when we were kids.

(flashback to a younger Mokuba crying while a young Kaiba confronts some bullies.)

KAIBA: You guys call yourselves bullies? He's not even bleeding! You're all fired! I want you out of this orphanage by tomorrow morning! You make me sick.

(back to present)

ESPA'S BROTHER: Excuse me. Would you like this baby?

MOKUBA: But I don't know anything about taking care of a--

ESPA'S BROTHER: Please take it. We don't want it anymore.

(on a bench)

TEA: I wonder if I should get a haircut that doesn't make my head look like a cardboard box with features.

GRANDPA: (covers Téa's eyes from behind) Surprise!

TEA: Bad touch! (backs her head into Grandpa's nose)

GRANDPA: Woah Nellie!

TEA: Back off, old man! I have mace!

GRANDPA: Please stop! I thought you were my grandson.

TEA: Is that why you were trying to grope me?

GRANDPA: If I said "yes", would it make this situation any less awkward? (long pause) I'll take that as a "no".

(Battle City)

ESPA: Now I summon my rarest monster to the field, "Jinzo"!

JOEY: That freaky cyborg ain't no match for my dated Internet reference!

(Joey plays Dancing Banana while the Buckwheat Boyz' "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" plays)

ESPA: I'm afraid you are wrong, Wheeler! Jinzo automatically destroys any obscure Internet references!

(Jinzo fires a laser that destroys the Dancing Banana)

JOEY: (thinking) Oh no! More than half the cards in my deck are lame Internet references!

(his hand contains Tay Zonday, Suiseiseki, the O RLY Snowy Owl, and Kroze from the Abridged Series forums)

JOEY: (thinking) That's just what I get for being in an overrated spoof series. If only I had the love and support of my sister Serenity. Then things would be somehow different.

(hospital)

SERENITY: Come on, Joey! You can win, I just know it!

TRISTAN: And now I'm bored! Let's watch something else!

SERENITY: What? But, Tristan, Joey needs my help--

TRISTAN: Hey, look! There's a new episode of Naruto The Abridged Series! I love that show!

(on the computer: screen shows the "DuelTube" website; a video titled "NTAS Episode 42 - Emo Sasuke Fights A Log" is playing)

NARUTO: Hey Sasuke! You're very emo! You like to listen to some emo music like Linkin Park 'cause you're emo! Have I mentioned you're emo?

TRISTAN: It's funny because he's emo!

CAPTION: [the word "emo" constitutes a joke!]

(Battle City)

JOEY: Now I activate "Roulette Spider", causing your Jinzo to spin round. Right round. Like a record, baby. Right round round round.

ESPA: No! If Jinzo hits my Reflect Bounder, it's all over for me!

(Jinzo hits Reflect Bounder and both explode)

ESPA: No! Jinzo has hit my Reflect Bounder! And it is all over for me!

JOEY: I won! I just hope my sister's watching!

(hospital)

TRISTAN: (ignoring Serenity, as the camera closes in on her) Hehehe, look! Now the emo guy is attacking a log! This is the best Internet parody series ever!

(Battle City)

ESPA: You beat me fair and square, Wheeler! Now that you have Jinzo, I guess that means that we won't be using any more obscure Internet references from now on!

JOEY: Mmm... nope!

(Dancing Banana reappears and "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" replays over closing image)

CAPTION:
[extra special thanks to
masakox and vegeta3986]

(stinger has Grandpa lip-synching a speech by Sen. Robert Byrd)

GRANDPA: The training of these poor creatures to turn themselves into fighting machines is simply barbaric. Barbaric. Barbaric! Barbaric! Barbaric.

(ending scene in the hospital)

SERENITY: What's happening, Tristan? Did Joey win? Is he still in the tournament?

TRISTAN: Hm? Oh. Yeah, he won. By the way, Serenity, there's something I wanted to show you.

(on the computer: DuelTube.com video titled "Tristan Proposes" plays, with an image of Tristan in front of some woods)

TRISTAN: (in the video) Hello, Serenity. You probably can't see me right now, but I'm standing in the middle of a field. It's a very romantic image. By the way, will you marry me?

SERENITY: Geez, Tristan! What kind of lonely deranged freak proposes to someone over the Internet?

TRISTAN: LittleKuriboh?


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