YGOTAS Third Anniversary Spectacularmathon/Transcript

Cast (In order of appearance): Hair Guy, Rebecca (Non-speaking), Teddy, Weevil, Rex, Striped sweater guy, Salesman, Marik, Florence, Zombie Boy, Steve Lumis, Steve Umbra, Yugi, Yami, Mokuba, Gay Clown, Fanboy, Kaiba, Joey, Tristan, Duke, Serenity (Non-speaking), Mai (Non-speaking), Naruto, Johnny Yong Bosch, Lanipator, Croquet, Johnny Steps, Bandit Keith, Steve Arkana, Para, Dox, Espa, Ishizu, Roba Brother, Bakura, kid with pink shirt, Grandpa, Gary Stu (Non-speaking), Téa

Date: July 13, 2009

Running Time: 5:41

Transcript

Entrance to the party

HAIR GUY: ATTENTION DUELISTS! Welcome to the Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged Third Anniversary celebration! My hair is inviting you to try the punch. It's good stuff! My hair made it.

Bar room

TEDDY: All shall be sacrificed In the fires of eternal damnation!

WEEVIL: Yeah! Heh-hee! Fire, fire! Hee-heh heh! Fire! Yeah! Neh-hee heh.

REX: (Referring to Rebecca) That chick is flat.

Bar

STRIPED-SHIRT GUY: It's not fair! I thought disguising myself as a bee would help me to purchase alcohol!

SALESMAN: Shorry, kid, but you're clearly under-age.

Dance floor

MARIK: (Sing songy) Hey, Bakurrraaaa! I have a great idea for a drinking game. Every time Zombie Boy says "brains", you take a drink.

FLORENCE: Yeah, I'm going to have to get severely wasted to enjoy this party, anyway.

Another part of the dance floor

MARIK: Hey, Zombie Boy! Are you having fun?

ZOMBIE BOY: Nah, this place is a total sausage-fest.

(Awkward silence)

MARIK: Aren't you going to say "brains"?

ZOMBIE BOY: Yeeah, I don't do that anymore.

MARIK: This is the worst drinking game ever!

A different dancing floor

LUMIS: We deem this party to be significantly dull. It requires more lasers. Preferably from the moon.

UMBRA: Yeah, moon lasers. And prostitutes! Moon prostitutes with laser beam eyes!

LUMIS: No more beer for you, Steve. Now let us destroy everyone in the vicinity with our exceptional dance moves.

UMBRA: I'm gonna get down with my bad self. Hah!

Lobby

YUGI: God, where did all of these people come from?

YAMI: They're here to celebrate our third anniversary, Yugi.

YUGI: We've been doing this for three years? Don't we have lives of our own?

YAMI: Apparently not...

YUGI: Huh. By the way, why are you wearing a tutu?

YAMI: It's a party, isn't it? I wanted to get a little bit wild.

YUGI: Yes, but you've been wearing it for five days now.

YAMI: STOP JUDGING ME!

Entertainment room

MOKUBA: Hey, everybody! The party clown has arrived!

GAY CLOWN: Hey, kids! How would you like to see some balloon animals?

FANBOY: Can I glomp you?

Dance floor

KAIBA: Why are you wearing that stupid dog suit, Wheeler?

JOEY (in a dog suit): I thought it was a costume party.

KAIBA: And that's the only costume you have?

JOEY: No! I also have a bunny costume, a fox costume, a skunk costume, a...

KAIBA: Why didn't you wear one of those?

JOEY: This was the only one that was clean.

Bar

(Mai and Serenity are together, and Duke is trying to start a conversation. Sexyback is NOT playing in the background.)

TRISTAN: Hey, Duke. Hey, Duke!

DUKE: What?

TRISTAN: Let's play Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Duke.

DUKE: I'm kind of busy.

Sitting room

NARUTO: Man, ths party is bitchin!

JOHNNY YONG BOSCH: I don't like this song. I wonder when Lanipator (pronounced Lanee-Pah-tor) will get here.

Outside

CROQUET: I'm sorry, sir, but I can't let you inside.

LANIPATOR: What are you talking about? I'm on the guest list! Lanipator (pronounced LaNee-PaTor)!

CROQUET: I don't know who that is.

LANIPATOR: Alright, check under "Lanipator" (pronounced Lan-ee-pay-tor).

CROQUET: Are you sure you're pronouncing that right?

LANIPATOR: That guy who does Vegeta on Team FourStar?

Big clearing in the dance floor

JOHNNY STEPS: Nobody outdances Johnny Steps!

LUMIS: Yes they do, because Johnny Steps is a loser.

UMBRA: Yeah! Johnny Steps is a dork!

JOHNNY STEPS: Johnny Steps is none of those things!

LUMIS: Correction: Johnny Steps is all of the above, and many more.

UMBRA: Johnny Steps can suck it.

JOHNNY STEPS: Stop insulting Johnny Steps!

UMBRA: Ha-ha! No.

Another part of the dance floor

MARIK: Hey, Bakura! I have another idea for a drinking game.

FLORENCE: Oh, huzzah.

MARIK: Every time Bandit Keith says "in America", you take a drink.

FLORENCE: This had better work, Marik. I'm not happy unless I'm one-hundred percent plastered.

Yet another part of the dance floor

MARIK: Hey, Bandit Keith. Are you having a good time?

BANDIT KEITH: Yeah, place has good atmosphere.

MARIK: Aren't you going to say "in America"?

BANDIT KEITH: Why would I say that?

MARIK: BECAUSE YOU ARE HEADCRAB ZOMBIE!

BANDIT KEITH: Actually, I'm Canadian.

MARIK: GOD-[EFF!]ING-DAMNIT!

FLORENCE: Two for two.

Bar

(Duke is still trying to talk to Mai and Serenity.)

TRISTAN: Hey, Duke. Hey, Duke!

DUKE: What?

TRISTAN: Let's play some Twister, Duke!

DUKE: Do you mind? I'm trying to get laid here.

Entertainment room

MOKUBA: Hey everybody, the magician has arrived!

ARKANA: And for my first trick, I shall send you all to the Shadow Realm with my deadly dark-energy disks! S'ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

FANBOY: Can I glomp you?

ARKANA: Maybe later.

Dance floor

PARA: This music makes me want to dance.

DOX: I'm still not wearing any underpants.

WEEVIL: Yeah, heh-heh. Me too.

FANBOY: (To Weevil) Can I glomp you?

WEEVIL: Ah! Back off, fartknocker!

Music stage

ESPA: I predict that Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged will be cancelled at the end of season two!

ISHIZU: Well, I predict that your prediction is simply misdirection in a vain attempt at creating hype.

ESPA: I predicted that you would predict that!

ISHIZU: No you didn't!

ROBA BROTHER: Excuse me! Would you like this baby?

ISHIZU: ...No, that's okay.

ROBA BROTHER: We really want to sell it to you! We didn't want it in the first place!

Outside

BAKURA: I had best be going. My mummy told me to be home no later than 7 o'clock. My mummy says I'm a good boy!

FANBOY: Can I glomp you?

BAKURA: Well, I don't see why no...

FANBOY: (Glomps Bakura.)

BAKURA: AHHH! YOU SHATTERED MY RIBS, YOU BASTARD!

Dance floor

PINK-SHIRT BOY: Hey, Yugi. Can I have my Star-Chips back now?

YUGI: I'm sorry, do I know you?

Sitting room

(Grandpa is rambling to Gary Stu.)

GRANDPA: ...And your laser disks, and your rotary phones, and your Bronze Age, and your Machinimas, and your Joss Weedon's Dollhouse, and your sliced bread, and your quilts, and your fax machines, and your X-Men, and your...

Bar

(Duke is still trying to talk to Mai and Serenity.)

TRISTAN: Hey, Duke. Hey, Duke!

DUKE: WHAT!? What is it?

TRISTAN: Let's sing some Karaoke, Duke!

DUKE: See, it's this sort of thing that makes people think we're a gay couple.

A section of the dance floor near the bar

MARIK: I have a better idea. Every time we see a crude stereotype, we should take a drink.

FLORENCE: That should make things much easier.

MARIK: Yes. All we need to do is find that Shadi guy or those Kaiba Corp. Nazis and we'll have ourselves a one-way ticket to an infected liver.

TÉA: Those guys weren't invited.

YUGI: Yeah, they're way too offensive.

FLORENCE: What about my host?

YUGI: You mean the limey kid from school? He's been taken to the hospital after receiving a near-fatal glomp injury.

MARIK: O-okay, but-but what about that Gay Clown?

YAMI: Too late. I killed him.

MARIK: Why did you do that?

YAMI: He's a gay clown. What did you expect?

MARIK: Frig the frigging frigger to frigging HELL! The world has conspired against me to ruin my ability to enjoy alcoholic beverages!

FLORENCE: Marik, remember your blood pressure.

YUGI (to YAMI): Wow, three years. It seems like only yesterday we were celebrating our second birthday. Remember? That was what started off that whole "War of the Abridged-Series Creators" business.

YAMI: Oh yeah. It's nice to know that none of those guys hold a grudge against us.

(Naruto runs in holding a ticking time-bomb.)

NARUTO: The presents have arrived! (Holds up the time-bomb) This one's from Team FourStar. I don't know how yet, but I'm GOING TO SMOKE IT!

MARIK: Ooh! New drinking game; Every time we all explode and die, we take a-.

KABOOM!

Ending: Andrew WK's "Party Party Party"

[happy birthday to us!]

[feel free to join the party!]