Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Movie

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Movie
Director(s)	LittleKuriboh
Release date	Unknown
Running time	31 minutes
Video
[This video is not available for streaming. Direct download links may be found at ravegrl's or Mike Tyndall's archives.]

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Movie is an unofficial editing of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light that was created by LittleKuriboh.

Plot

The movie starts by giving different definitions of the title in the style of Pulp Fiction. The definitions are:

• Abridged (uh-brid'd) v. 1. To shorten by omissions while retaining the basic contents.

2. To reduce or lessen in duration.

and:

• Yu-Gi-Oh! (yŭgiô) n. 1. Japanese phrase meaning "Game King". 2. Popular children's card game played by adults. 3. Animé series based on a children's card game played by adults.

The narrator tells us that thousands of years ago, people were very bored, because card games hadn't been invented yet. So in order to pass the time, they started killing each other with magical powers. Then, one day, a nameless Egyptian pharaoh with ridiculous hair decided to lock the magic away, so that its evil could never fall into the wrong hands. And so, the people of Egypt were forced to spend their time building pyramids, which, ironically, was just as tedious as playing card games.

Yugi, a 15 year old who has not gone through puberty, is working on a old puzzle so that he can use its magical powers to get his revenge on the girls who refused to go out with him. Meanwhile a group discoverers finds the long lost tomb of Anubis. As Yugi completes the puzzle the discoverers are trapped and one is very quick to force the others to drink their own urine. Meanwhile in Japan Yugi is assaulted by a group of monsters and Kuriboh, but transforms into Yami Yugi a la He-Man and mind crushes the monsters - in stereo. After transforming back into Yugi, his Grandpa arrives and asks if he has tried to summon the forces of darkness in his room again.

The Kaiba Situation

The Card Games channel is airing a 24-hour marathon with Yu-Gi-Oh! episodes, something that makes fans of the Yu-Gi-Oh! TCG furious. At the same time Kaiba makes a attempt to find a way to defeat Yugi,crashing his computer because his ego is too big to simulate. Later that night a spirit arrives to [[Maximillion Pegasus]|Pegasus] and place cards in his card-box and gives Pegasus weird dreams and making him feel as bad as when the Spice Girls broke up. Next day Kaiba travels to Pegasus to get some cards that can defeat Yugi. Pegasus however makes sexual moves against Kaiba, much to his dislike. As Yugi and his friends are leaving school they are stopped by a angry mob of Yu-Gi-Oh! fans who hate Yugi because of the 4Kids' version of the series. Téa takes him away to the local museum, so she can seduce him.

Kaiba vs Pegasus

Pegasus plays the fanservice card Summoning "Toon Gemini Elf" and "Toon Dark Magician Girl". Since "Dark Magician Girl" is "the hottest monster in the game" this causes Kaiba to think Pegasus has serious issues. Pegasus replies that: "This coming from the guy who flies around in a jet shaped like a dragon", which causes Kaiba to launch an all out attack on Pegasus. He then takes two cards from Pegasus' card box that can defeat Yugi, but Pegasus tells him he might be in serious danger since there only was one card but Kaiba pretends to not hear him.

Showdown At The Duel Dome

At the museum, Yugi ignores Téa's sexual advances and goes to see a blue pyramid that resembles his puzzle. They meet up with Yugi's Grandpa, who is there "to see stuff that is almost as old as he is". He tells them about Anubis and how he was stopped by Yami 5000 years ago with the Dagger of Fate and shows him Anubis' mummy.

Yugi suddenly has a vision about a duel between him and Kaiba directed by David Lynch. Kaiba is attacked by Anubis who says "Seires Degdirba Eht :Oturan Hctaw," which is "Watch Naruto: The Abridged Series" backwards. Yugi wakes up and sees that the mummy is gone. He leaves Téa and Grandpa to take the punishment because he won't survive in prison. As Yugi escapes, he is picked up by Mokuba and taken him to his house to pick up his deck so he can duel Kaiba. As they leave the Gameshop, Joey and Tristan see him and run after the car.

Yugi transforms into Yami and walks into the Duel Dome to face Kaiba. Kaiba says he can defeat him because he tested his Deck on Yu-Gi-Oh! Online. Somehow Joey and Tristan catch up with the car and walks into the Dome only to be trapped as Mokuba seals the exits. Yami Summons "Slifer, the Executive Producer" and Kaiba activates "Obligatory Summon" so Yami has to Summon all his God-cards. He then uses "Pyramid of Light" and all Yugi's God-cards are destroyed. Yugi's, Joey's and Tristan's souls are then sucked into Yugi's puzzle.

Outside the Duel Dome Téa and Grandpa watch the blue light from the pyramid and Grandpa tells Téa that in his days they did not have duel domes and they were forced to play their card games in the street, and they did not have real cards, they picked up rocks and threw them at each other. He soon realizes that it wasn't really card games at all. They just liked to throw rocks at each other. Yugi, Joey and Tristan find themselves in the labyrinth of the Millennium Puzzle. Kaiba Summons "Peten the Dark Clown", identified as another gay clown. "Peten" attacks Yami and Kaiba uses Tentacle Rape on him.

The Tomb

Yugi searches for the Pharaoh and finds a tomb full of zombies. They start to hunt Yugi who bumps into Joey and Tristan. Meanwhile Téa and Grandpa enter the Duel Dome and meet up with Mokuba who is confused how they were got in there because he sealed all the exits. Back in the labyrinth, Yugi, Joey and Tristan have escaped the zombies, and talk about how they shall defeat them. They agree to that they need some kind of diversion. They think of using Bakura, but since he is gone making Zorc and Pals: The Movie they have to use another strategy.

Kaiba Summons "Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon", and Yami taunts him because he always summons dragons. Kaiba replies that he is sick of Yami, and he is the only reason people watch Yu-Gi-Oh! and attacks Yami's Life Points directly. Pegasus arrives with a helicopter and tells Téa, Grandpa and Mokuba to "GET TO DA CHOPPA!" In the labyrinth, Yugi, Joey and Tristan enter the tomb where Anubis tells them that he will kill them so 4Kids will be forced to create a new series: Yu-Gi-Oh GX.

Action Sequence That Doesn't Involve Card Games

Téa jumps into the pyramid and is sucked into the puzzle. She tells Yugi to take his place in the circle of card games. The Disney reference causes Anubis to throw her into a horde of zombies, but Téa kicks their heads off. Joey and Tristan attack the zombies in a violent fight. Just as Kaiba is about to Summon Yugi's God cards by destroying the "Pyramid of Light", he is stopped by Anubis. Anubis subdues Kaiba and tells Yami that he wishes to destroy the world but is confused then Yami asks why. Back in the tomb, the heroes fight off against the zombies, but are outnumbered.

Yugi understands that the eye in the symbol above Anubis' sarcophagus is his weak point as in Shadow of the Colossus. Yugi throws a knife at it and it cracks and the heroes return to their original bodies. Yugi uses "Monster Reborn" to Summon "Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon" and destroy "Pyramid of Light". He then uses "Reverse of Reverse" to Summon "Obelisk the Tormentor", "Slifer the Executive Producer" and "Mega Ultra Chicken", as "We are the Champions" plays. They attack and destroy Anubis, but he returns in the form of a huge dog to kill them. Kaiba advises Yugi to solve it as they solve everything in Yu-Gi-Oh!; with cards. Yugi takes "Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon" and uses it to destroy Anubis for good as "Ode To Joy" plays and a text covers the screen: BUY YU-GI-OH CARDS TODAY!!.

The Big Message

Kaiba proclaims that he will never use the card Pegasus gave him again despite their power. He then leaves with Mokuba. Grandpa starts to rant over kids these days and Millennium Items and their card games and their loud music and their hula hoops and their hopscotch and their dungarees and their lollipops and their Sony PlayStations and their voice-activated light switches and their leather pants and their artificial insemination only to be stopped by Yugi who delivers the big message: We've learned that card games are the answer to all life's problems. And the only thing I know for certain in this world is that there's a strange man living inside my head who tells me to do things. Yami says he is right, and now has to burn everything to the ground.

During the closing credits following texts about the character appear:

• YUGI FINALLY HIT PUBERTY AT THE AGE OF 23. HE STILL LIVES WITH HIS GRANDPA.
• TÉA BECAME A TABLE DANCER IN NEW YORK. HER TIPS ARE ENORMOUS.
• JOEY CAME TO TERMS WITH HIS IDENTITY AS A FURRY. HE'S CURRENTLY APPEARING AT ANTHROCON.
• TRISTAN BECAME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. HIS VOICE IS THE VICE PRESIDENT.
• KAIBA IS NOW A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY. THEY'RE MILKING HIM FOR EVERY LAST CENT.
• MOKUBA WAS KIDNAPPED SHORTLY AFTER THE EVENTS OF THE MOVIE. RANSOM DEMANDS HAVE NOT YET BEEN ISSUED.
• GRANDPA HAD A HEART ATTACK AT THE AGE OF 87. TO HIS DISMAY, HE SURVIVED.
• PEGASUS BECAME A REGULAR CAST MEMBER OF YU-GI-OH GX. WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING?
• MAI VALENTINE APPEARED IN PLAYBOY MAGAZINE. IT WAS THE HOTTEST SELLING ISSUE EVER.
• REX & WEEVIL EVENTUALLY SCORED. IT COST THEM A MONTH'S WORTH OF POCKET MONEY.
• BAKURA WAS COMMITTED TO A MENTAL INSTITUTE. FANGIRLS STILL SEND HIM "GET WELL SOON" CARDS.
• ZORC DIDN'T DESTROY DISNEY WORLD - IT WAS TOO MUCH FUN. HE DESTROYED EURODISNEY INSTEAD.
• YAMI BECAME A HUGE HOLLYWOOD STAR. HE WILL RETURN IN "FOR YOUR CARDS ONLY".

Cast and Crew

• Yugi Moto - as himself.
• Atem - as himself.
• Seto Kaiba - as himself.
• Anubis - as himself.
• Seto Kaiba's ego - as himself.
• Mokuba Kaiba - not in the movie.
• Joey Wheeler - as himself.
• Tristan Taylor - as himself.
• Tristan Taylor's voice - as itself.
• Tea Gardner - as herself.
• Solomon Moto - as himself.
• Pegasus - as him/herself.
• Mai Valentine's Breasts - as themselves.
• Bakura - as himself.
• Special apprenticed by Paul Reubens as Zorc, Destroyer of Worlds.

• Directed by LittleKuriboh.
• Written by A Room Full of Monkeys.
• Produced by Slifer the Executive Producer.
• "Yu-Gi-Oh" created by Kazuki Takahashi.
• "Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series" created by LittleKuriboh.
• Sound - Alan Smithee.
• Lighting - Sam Fisher.
• Kaiba's Stunt Double - David Hayter.
• Best Boy - Noa Kaiba.
• Costumes - Leonie Sayers.
• Guy Who Jiggled Things When They Didn't Work - Martin Billany.
• Second Unit Director - Peter Jackson.
• Digital Duel Monster Effects provided by WETA Workshop
• Pegasus' Wardrobe provided by Jean Paul Gau
• Special Thanks To Needlestone

Video

Transcript

Cultural References

• Grandpa's speech near the end ("You kids these days and your Millennium Items and your card games and your loud music and your...") is a homage to the TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000. link
• The scene in the middle of Kaiba and Yami's duel when they show a screen saying intermission is a reference to Monty Python and the Holy Grail which has that same exact screen and music (although the quote in the movie that said "you do realize you're watching a movie about card games right?" was never in the Monty Python special)