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Transcript Edit

THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR

ALL AUDIENCES

BUT MOSTLY IT'S FOR SMALL IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN

WHO WILL BUY ANYTHING WE DANGLE IN FRONT OF THEM

NARRATOR: In a world where card games seem to dictate the fate of mankind...

YUGI: I'm more popular than Jesus!

NARRATOR: One boy must have the courage...

YUGI: Yami tried to touch me in a bad place!

NARRATOR: And the skill...

YUGI: I can't possibly win this duel without my friends, so can you do it instead?

NARRATOR: To overcome the odds...

KAIBA: This time Yugi, there's no way you're going to beat me!

YAMI: You just don't know when to quit, do you?

NARRATOR: And defeat the forces of evil...

ANUBIS: I'm a throw-away villain! Fear my generic motives!

NARRATOR: In a card game!

ANUBIS: I'm going to destroy the world with my suprisingly ineffectual powers!

YAMI: Not if I lay this card in defense mode, you won't!

NARRATOR: This summer...

YAMI: There can be only one!

NARRATOR: Prepare yourself for the motion picture event of the century...

TRISTAN: I'm so excited I could wet my pants! Oops, too late.

NARRATOR: Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Movie. Starring Yugi Moto:

YUGI: As long as I believe in the heart of the cards, we're bound to get a sequel!

NARRATOR: Joey Wheeler:

JOEY: Is it wrong that I'm totally aroused by this?

NARRATOR: Tristan Taylor:

TRISTAN: Can I have some more lines?

YUGI: Screw you, get your own movie!

NARRATOR: Téa Gardner:

TÉA: Die, you evil undead freaks!

JOEY: Remind me never to piss off Téa.

NARRATOR: Seto Kaiba:

John Denver's "Leaving on a Jet Plane" plays as Kaiba flies off in his Blue-Eyes White Jet Plane

NARRATOR: Yami:

YAMI: This is my movie! You got that, pipsqueak?

NARRATOR: Mokuba Kaiba:

MOKUBA: Do a barrel roll, big brother!

NARRATOR: Maximillion Pegasus:

PEGASUS: I'm making a glorified cameo!

NARRATOR: Also starring Anubis as "The Big Bad":

ANUBIS: I'm crushing your head, I'm crushing your head!

NARRATOR: And introducing Bakura as "Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film".

YUGI: Don't worry, I'm sure his scenes will be on the DVD.

NARRATOR: If you only see one film this year that revolves around card games...

YAMI: Yugi! We must win this duel! The fate of the world depends on it!

YUGI: Oh you always say that.

YAMI: You're about to get such a spanking.

NARRATOR: Then make it this one.

KAIBA: Holy crap, there's a huge naked man behind me!

YAMI: Now this is my kind of movie!

NARRATOR: All your questions will be answered. Like: Who does Téa really love?

YUGI: Hey Téa, there's nobody around. Let's make out.

TÉA: Get real, short stuff! I'm just using you to get to Yami!

NARRATOR: What is Yami's real name?

YAMI: Even I don't know the answer to that one!

NARRATOR: Why is this guy wearing a luche libre mask?

A big arrow points to him labelled "wtf?"

NARRATOR: And can Kaiba actually defeat Yugi without cheating for once?

KAIBA: Screw the rules, I have money!

NARRATOR: Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Movie. Only in theatres. If you pre-order your tickets now, you'll get a bunch of free cards. By the way, does anybody have a throat lozenge? This voice is killing me.

CAPTION: Just my way of saying thanks for watching my daft videos. Without you guys, it'd be pointless.

New episodes next week! (Still recovering from my holiday...)