THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR
BUT MOSTLY IT'S FOR SMALL IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN
WHO WILL BUY ANYTHING WE DANGLE IN FRONT OF THEM
NARRATOR: In a world where card games seem to dictate the fate of mankind...
NARRATOR: One boy must have the courage...
YUGI: Yami tried to touch me in a bad place!
NARRATOR: And the skill...
YUGI: I can't possibly win this duel without my friends, so can you do it instead?
NARRATOR: To overcome the odds...
KAIBA: This time Yugi, there's no way you're going to beat me!
YAMI: You just don't know when to quit, do you?
NARRATOR: And defeat the forces of evil...
ANUBIS: I'm a throw-away villain! Fear my generic motives!
NARRATOR: In a card game!
ANUBIS: I'm going to destroy the world with my suprisingly ineffectual powers!
YAMI: Not if I lay this card in defense mode, you won't!
NARRATOR: This summer...
YAMI: There can be only one!
NARRATOR: Prepare yourself for the motion picture event of the century...
TRISTAN: I'm so excited I could wet my pants! Oops, too late.
NARRATOR: Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Movie. Starring Yugi Moto:
YUGI: As long as I believe in the heart of the cards, we're bound to get a sequel!
NARRATOR: Joey Wheeler:
JOEY: Is it wrong that I'm totally aroused by this?
NARRATOR: Tristan Taylor:
TRISTAN: Can I have some more lines?
YUGI: Screw you, get your own movie!
NARRATOR: Téa Gardner:
TÉA: Die, you evil undead freaks!
JOEY: Remind me never to piss off Téa.
NARRATOR: Seto Kaiba:
John Denver's "Leaving on a Jet Plane" plays as Kaiba flies off in his Blue-Eyes White Jet Plane
YAMI: This is my movie! You got that, pipsqueak?
NARRATOR: Mokuba Kaiba:
MOKUBA: Do a barrel roll, big brother!
NARRATOR: Maximillion Pegasus:
PEGASUS: I'm making a glorified cameo!
NARRATOR: Also starring Anubis as "The Big Bad":
NARRATOR: And introducing Bakura as "Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film".
YUGI: Don't worry, I'm sure his scenes will be on the DVD.
NARRATOR: If you only see one film this year that revolves around card games...
YAMI: Yugi! We must win this duel! The fate of the world depends on it!
YUGI: Oh you always say that.
YAMI: You're about to get such a spanking.
NARRATOR: Then make it this one.
KAIBA: Holy crap, there's a huge naked man behind me!
YAMI: Now this is my kind of movie!
NARRATOR: All your questions will be answered. Like: Who does Téa really love?
YUGI: Hey Téa, there's nobody around. Let's make out.
TÉA: Get real, short stuff! I'm just using you to get to Yami!
NARRATOR: What is Yami's real name?
YAMI: Even I don't know the answer to that one!
NARRATOR: Why is this guy wearing a luche libre mask?
A big arrow points to him labelled "wtf?"
NARRATOR: And can Kaiba actually defeat Yugi without cheating for once?
KAIBA: Screw the rules, I have money!
NARRATOR: Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Movie. Only in theatres. If you pre-order your tickets now, you'll get a bunch of free cards. By the way, does anybody have a throat lozenge? This voice is killing me.
CAPTION: Just my way of saying thanks for watching my daft videos. Without you guys, it'd be pointless.
New episodes next week! (Still recovering from my holiday...)