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Cast (In order of appearance): Zorc, Bakura, Zorc's Mother, Marik

Date: April 1, 2008

Running Time: 4:48

TranscriptEdit

(The Cheers theme song, "Where Everybody Knows Your Name", plays as an opening title sequence similar to that of Cheers is shown, with the following credits in similar Cheers font:)

Zorc and Pals

Starring:

Zorc

Bakura

Marik Ishtar

(One of the people in the title sequence holds up a newspaper with the headline "ZORC WINS!")

(End titlle sequence.)

(Cut to Zorc stalking around in a dark, gloomy setting, as Bakura says the following opening line:)

BAKURA (voiceover): Zorc and Pals is filmed before a dead studio audience.

(Bakura sits on a throne, watching an hourglass.)

BAKURA: It's 8 o'clock and Zorc still hasn't finished destroying the world. That man has some explaining to do.

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC: Honey, I'm home!

(Canned applause.)

BAKURA: Zorc, what time do you call this?

ZORC: Time to destroy the world.

(Canned laughter.)

BAKURA: Actually it's 9 o'clock.

ZORC: Well you know what I say. Anytime is a good time to destroy the world.

BAKURA: I expected you home three hours ago. Your dinner has gone cold.

ZORC: Uh-oh, I think I'm in trouble.

(Canned laughter.)

BAKURA: Why were you out so late?

ZORC: Because I just learned that my mother is coming to visit.

(Dramatic music: "Dum Dum DUUUUUUMM")

(Canned laughter.)

BAKURA: You never mentioned you had a mother.

ZORC: That's because she hates me.

(The audience "aww"s.)

BAKURA: Why would anybody hate you, Zorc?

ZORC: Because I destroyed the world.

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC: She wanted me to grow up to become a lawyer. Imagine the shame she must feel, knowing that I bring about the deaths of millions of people.

BAKURA: Yes, she must really despise you.

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC: Well not anymore. When my mother shows up, I want you to pretend that I'm a successful lawyer and that I don't destroy worlds.

BAKURA: You've got to be kidding me.

(Canned laughter.)

(Knocking)

ZORC: That must be her now! Remember, I'm a lawyer.

BAKURA: Right. I think I got it.

(Zorc's mother looks just like Zorc, but with curly blonde hair and red lipstick.)

ZORC'S MOTHER: Hello, Zorkie poo! How is my little demon child today?

ZORC: I'm good, Mother. In fact I'm better than good, I am a lawyer!

(Canned laughter.)

BAKURA: It's true, he's a lawyer. A huge blue lawyer.

ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh, my goodness! Imagine that. My Zorkie poo, a lawyer.

ZORC: Yes, I do law things!

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh Zorkie poo, I'm so proud! (slight pause) Aren't you going to introduce me to your wife?

ZORC: My...wife?

ZORC'S MOTHER: Yes, your wife. I made it very clear that I wanted you to get married by the time you were 30.

ZORC: But Mother, I'm 5,000,000 years old.

ZORC'S MOTHER: Well all the more reason to get married then. You're no spring chicken.

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC: Yes, well I did have a wife.

ZORC'S MOTHER: You did? What happened?

ZORC: I destroyed her!

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC'S MOTHER: What are you talking about, Zorkie poo? You're a lawyer. Lawyers don't destroy things.

ZORC: What? Oh, um.... No okay I didn't destroy her then.

ZORC'S MOTHER: Then where is she?

ZORC: Um... She's right over there.

BAKURA: What?

ZORC: Hello, honey!

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh, so you must be Zorc's wife.

BAKURA (frustrated): Uhhh, yes... I am Zorc's wife?

(Canned laughter.)

BAKURA: Pleasure to meet you.

ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh, the pleasure's all mine.

ZORC: My wife and I were just about to have sex before you came in.

ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh, how wonderful!

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC: ... I am a lawyer.

(Canned laughter and applause.)

BAKURA: Zorc...

ZORC: What is it, darling?

BAKURA: How long do you think you can keep up this bloody charade? Everyone knows I'm not your wife.

ZORC'S MOTHER: You're not his wife?

BAKURA: Of course not, it's bloody obvious!

(Canned laughter. Marik suddenly appears.)

MARIK: Hold everything!

BAKURA: Marik? How did you get here?

MARIK: With science! And I bring urgent news: Bakura is not Zorc's wife... I am!

(Dramatic music: "Dum Dum DUUUUUUMM")

(Canned laughter.)

ZORC: Oh, yeah! I got married to Marik! I forgot all about that!

(More canned laughter.)

BAKURA: Zorc, you've got some explaining to do.

ZORC: Uh-oh, I think I'm in trouble.

(Canned laughter.)

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