Cast (In order of appearance): Zorc, Bakura, Zorc's Mother, Marik
Date: April 1, 2008
Running Time: 4:48
Transcript[]
(The Cheers theme song, "Where Everybody Knows Your Name", plays as an opening title sequence similar to that of Cheers is shown, with the following credits in similar Cheers font:)
Zorc and Pals
Starring:
Zorc
Bakura
Marik Ishtar
(One of the people in the title sequence holds up a newspaper with the headline "ZORC WINS!")
(End titlle sequence.)
(Cut to Zorc stalking around in a dark, gloomy setting, as Bakura says the following opening line:)
BAKURA (voiceover): Zorc and Pals is filmed before a dead studio audience.
(Bakura sits on a throne, watching an hourglass.)
BAKURA: It's 8 o'clock and Zorc still hasn't finished destroying the world. That man has some explaining to do.
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC: Honey, I'm home!
(Canned applause.)
BAKURA: Zorc, what time do you call this?
ZORC: Time to destroy the world.
(Canned laughter.)
BAKURA: Actually it's 9 o'clock.
ZORC: Well you know what I say. Anytime is a good time to destroy the world.
BAKURA: I expected you home three hours ago. Your dinner has gone cold.
ZORC: Uh-oh, I think I'm in trouble.
(Canned laughter.)
BAKURA: Why were you out so late?
ZORC: Because I just learned that my mother is coming to visit.
(Dramatic music: "Dum Dum DUUUUUUMM")
(Canned laughter.)
BAKURA: You never mentioned you had a mother.
ZORC: That's because she hates me.
(The audience "aww"s.)
BAKURA: Why would anybody hate you, Zorc?
ZORC: Because I destroyed the world.
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC: She wanted me to grow up to become a lawyer. Imagine the shame she must feel, knowing that I bring about the deaths of millions of people.
BAKURA: Yes, she must really despise you.
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC: Well not anymore. When my mother shows up, I want you to pretend that I'm a successful lawyer and that I don't destroy worlds.
BAKURA: You've got to be kidding me.
(Canned laughter.)
(Knocking)
ZORC: That must be her now! Remember, I'm a lawyer.
BAKURA: Right. I think I got it.
(Zorc's mother looks just like Zorc, but with curly blonde hair and red lipstick.)
ZORC'S MOTHER: Hello, Zorkie poo! How is my little demon child today?
ZORC: I'm good, Mother. In fact I'm better than good, I am a lawyer!
(Canned laughter.)
BAKURA: It's true, he's a lawyer. A huge blue lawyer.
ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh, my goodness! Imagine that. My Zorkie poo, a lawyer.
ZORC: Yes, I do law things!
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh Zorkie poo, I'm so proud! (slight pause) Aren't you going to introduce me to your wife?
ZORC: My...wife?
ZORC'S MOTHER: Yes, your wife. I made it very clear that I wanted you to get married by the time you were 30.
ZORC: But Mother, I'm 5,000,000 years old.
ZORC'S MOTHER: Well all the more reason to get married then. You're no spring chicken.
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC: Yes, well I did have a wife.
ZORC'S MOTHER: You did? What happened?
ZORC: I destroyed her!
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC'S MOTHER: What are you talking about, Zorkie poo? You're a lawyer. Lawyers don't destroy things.
ZORC: What? Oh, um.... No okay I didn't destroy her then.
ZORC'S MOTHER: Then where is she?
ZORC: Um... She's right over there.
BAKURA: What?
ZORC: Hello, honey!
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh, so you must be Zorc's wife.
BAKURA (frustrated): Uhhh, yes... I am Zorc's wife?
(Canned laughter.)
BAKURA: Pleasure to meet you.
ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh, the pleasure's all mine.
ZORC: My wife and I were just about to have sex before you came in.
ZORC'S MOTHER: Oh, how wonderful!
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC: ... I am a lawyer.
(Canned laughter and applause.)
BAKURA: Zorc...
ZORC: What is it, darling?
BAKURA: How long do you think you can keep up this bloody charade? Everyone knows I'm not your wife.
ZORC'S MOTHER: You're not his wife?
BAKURA: Of course not, it's bloody obvious!
(Canned laughter. Marik suddenly appears.)
MARIK: Hold everything!
BAKURA: Marik? How did you get here?
MARIK: With science! And I bring urgent news: Bakura is not Zorc's wife... I am!
(Dramatic music: "Dum Dum DUUUUUUMM")
(Canned laughter.)
ZORC: Oh, yeah! I got married to Marik! I forgot all about that!
(More canned laughter.)
BAKURA: Zorc, you've got some explaining to do.
ZORC: Uh-oh, I think I'm in trouble.
(Canned laughter.)
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